Are you a guy, and you watch other guys talking, but feel like you're on the outside? Are you a girl, and the “conversations” that you hear between guys seems a little sub-neanderthal, and for the life of you, you can't figure out why your man would rather sit with his friends saying next to nothing... than to spend the evening talking with you? If so, today may be your lucky day.
We'll pick up with how men relate with other men. We're dealing with this first, not because men are stronger, or braver, or better than women. But rather, because we're... dumber? Simpler? Less Complex? Whatever... relationships between men (at least early-stage and more shallow relationships) are just easier for guys.
Let's look at an example...
Suppose you drive to your local park. If you live in a well populated area, and it is summertime, and if you are in a park that people actually go to... you will find basketball courts. On those basketball courts, you will probably see guys. They may be playing one-on-one. They may be playing “33.” They may be running full-court. But they'll be sweating, and laughing, and yelling, and bumping... and quite possibly, there will be guys playing on the court that know no one else out there. A couple of guys here may know this other guy. And that guy may be a playground legend, but the other guy in the corner, well no one has ever seen him before. Here's the point. Guys don't have to know each other to be able to do stuff together. There is the unspoken language. The “head nod.” The “Wassup?” It's universal and hard wired into most of us.
So, let's change the situation now...
Imagine you are in that same park, the basketball courts are there. What are the chances of ten women getting together to play a game of “pick-up”? Nope. Not gonna happen. If they tried, they'd be pulling each others hair out inside three plays. Kicking, scratching, biting. Women are beautiful, but they sure can be ugly to each other. (Women, you'll get yours tomorrow)
Why is it easier like that for guys? Because men relate to each other “Shoulder to Shoulder.” You'll see...
Scripture uncovers a lot about relationships in the Garden of Eden. We'll go through different parts of that story each day as we break down this subject. But for now...
Old Adam has screwed up. Big time. He ate the apple, he blamed it on Eve. And now God is handing out the consequences.
Genesis 3:17-19
To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken, for dust you are and to dust you will return.”
Now, first of all, in general, guys... listen to your wives. They are just smarter than we are. But, let's look at our keywords here and see if we can find a theme... painful toil, thorns and thistles, the sweat of your brow, and dust. Now, God's explaining the consequences, and he basically says, “Adam, this means you're gonna have to work. Hard. And it's not gonna be really productive. And, if you want to eat, you're gonna have to work like that 'til you die.”
So, the way that works for us is this. Adam screwed up for all of us. Because he screwed up, all us guys are screwed up. We've gotta work. We have to be do'ers. It's part of our nature now. The picture that this draws, is of a man looking out at his field. Unsatisfied with it's condition, but realizing that if he wants anything at all in this life, he has got to focus and go do something. Plow that field. Write that brief. Deliver those packages. Rescue that damsel in distress. Whatever it is, as guys, our solution is almost always to go and DO something.
Men stand shoulder to shoulder, not looking at each other, but looking out at what they need to do, or what they hope to accomplish, or what they wish was different, and that is how they relate. It is also our way of easing into actually being able to speak to each other. “So, how about them Browns?” “Do you think LeBron will be in Cleveland next year?” “Sure is a lot of snow, lemme help you shovel that.” “Wanna go bow-hunting next month?”
How do we apply this in our lives? If you want to find a way to start to relate with the father you didn't really get along with growing up, go find something he likes to do, and do it with him. Take your father, stand shoulder to shoulder, and tinker in the garage. Go to the car auction. Help him water his garden. Don't worry about striking up that conversation you've been imagining in your head forever. With guys, most times it's enough to just go and do.
Tomorrow ladies, it's your turn, as we discuss “Face to Face. How women relate to women.”
...Christopher Levi
Special thanks to Moses Rosen, professional photographer to be...
you know Chris, I find your articles interesting to read to say the least. I, myself am one of those guys who is pretty much a loner. And yes, I could probably use a little prayer in the social realm of things. I don't hang with the "in" crowd nor do I prefer to. I like to read, write and do the outdoor thing, which seems to put me more in touch with the only true father I ever knew. I like camping out with a few friends and a campfire , if I've got that many or taking up a canoe ride at the closest livery. Even a bike ride on the tow path would be cool. Generally, most men don't read anything more than a newspaper, a few scriptures from the bible or a map. Part of our problem is that most of us are shallow. We don't have the relationships we need because of it. I like to swim in the deep. I never liked the baby pool anyway. See Psalm 42:7
ReplyDeleteSpot on Chris! We should get together sometime for a game of 1-on-1! :)
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