Do you feel like a can of RC Cola in a Coke/Pepsi world? A little more Lane Bryant-y that you'd like, when all your friends are Limited and Express? Maybe you're a little too Quonset Hut, and not iTunes enough?
In translation... Do you sometimes feel like you just don't fit in?
Where we've been
We've been talking about relationships. We've hit it from all the typical angles. Guys getting along with guys. Girls getting along with girls. Girls understanding guys, and guys hoping to get a glimpse into the fairer sex.
However, maybe none of these glass slippers seem to fit on your feet. Maybe the person's feet onto which you are trying to slip these stereotypical glass slippers are just not princess-like at all.
How does this all apply to you?
You've got a champion
If you go to Scripture, you will find a different Jesus then the homogenized, ultra-pasteurized version we see in many churches today. You know the one. The white Jesus.The flannelgraph Jesus. The boring Jesus with the light brown hair, the pointy beard, the sad puppy dog eyes, and the flowing white tunic with the brown cloak on his shoulders.
People... that ain't Jesus.
Not even close.
The non good-looking Jesus
First of all, Jesus was ugly. You've probably heard him called the "Fairest of ten thousand." Yeah, that's not in scripture. You know why? Because Jesus was plain old ugly. And if He wasn't ugly, at least He wasn't good looking either. That's what Isaiah the prophet said. Isaiah was right about every single thing he said Jesus would be, probably wise to believe him on this one too...
Isaiah 53:2b (NLT) There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him.
The non in-crowd Jesus
Have you ever watched the show Friends. What an eclectic group of people. Isn't it just amazing though that every single one of them is beautiful? How does that happen?
In the real world, it doesn't. In Jesus' world, it didn't either.
The rag-tag group of dudes that Jesus spent most of his time with probably looked and acted more like an episode of Deadliest Catch than an episode of HEROES.
In today's equivalents, Jesus hung around with a crowd of real losers. There was Peter the big-mouthed redneck. James and John were power-hungry brother's whose Mommy came to do their dirty work. Matthew was like a crooked IRS agent. And Simon (the Zealot) was a mercenary.
Sound a little more like your group of friends?
The non sophisticated Jesus
This passage is one of the most beautiful things written in scripture. Not because it's poetic, but because it's not...
Matt 9:10-11a (NLT) 10.That night, Matthew invited Jesus and His disciples to be his dinner guests, along with his fellow tax collectors and many other notorious sinners. 11.The Pharisees were indignant, "Why does your teacher eat with such scum?"
That is stinking AWESOME! Now understand that Matthew is writing this. Matthew doesn't hesitate to invite Jesus and his boys to eat dinner with Matthew's "fellow tax collectors" (Did you know that tax collectors were not allowed to give testimony in trial, because it was assumed that they would lie) and "many other notorious sinners."
Let's say that last little part again, "many other NOTORIOUS SINNERS." That's some church for you. When the pharisees find out what Jesus is doing, they act like most church people today, "Why does your teacher eat with such scum?"
That is a Jesus worth hanging around with.
Learning about relationships from that Jesus
We know that Jesus was all about the love. In this next scene, he's talking to a big group of people and turning a lot of their theology on it's ear...
Matt 5:43-47 (NLT) 43."You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44.But I say, 'Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!' 45.In that way, you will be acting like true children of your Father in heaven. For He give his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too. 46.If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that. 47.If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different than anyone else? Even pagans do that."
There is a ginormous secret in this passage. It is the secret to happiness and successful relationships. Even if you have as many screwed up friends as Jesus did. Even if you're more screwed up than they are.
The secret
This is going to sound like a cliche, but I can't find any simpler way to put this... God doesn't love you because you are good. God loves you because He is good.
The whole concept of this passage is this... you've always been taught to love the good ones and hate the bad ones. Give people what they deserve. Treat people how they should be treated. Do unto others how they would have done unto you.
This is not God's way. And, it is not what Jesus lived, or how He wants us to live.
Love people. Treat them well. Value their opinions. Treasure their time. Give them sunshine when they need it. Give them rain when they need that instead.
This is not to say you should candy-coat everything and all things will be unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes, the honest truth is love. Sometimes, shutting your mouth is love. Sometimes, driving home a drunk friend is love. Sometimes, confronting an issue is love. Sometimes, you need to let it slide.
This brings us to a deeper secret.
The deeper secret
God realizes this. Jesus realized this. If we can realize this... watch out.
Listen carefully. There is no way to separate the intention from the result.
We'll say that again. There is no way to separate the intention from the result.
You reap what you sow. You get what you give. It's just the way it works... You can't give your buddy a box full of horse poo (love that word), wrapped up all beautiful, and then expect him to thank you when he figures out what you did.
If you tell someone that you love them, but the intention of your heart is to hurt them, you'll accomplish what you were really trying to do. Wrapping that poo in a pretty package may fool them for a while, but... There is no way to separate the intention from the result.
If you truly love someone, you can confront them about the most painful of things and eventually it will bring healing. Wrapping that painful love in gentle thoughtful words may ease the original reception, but regardless... There is no way to separate the intention from the result.
Fini
So, the key to being successful in relationships, whether with your group of raggamuffin friends with which you fit so well, or the lone person with whom you communicate regularly is exactly the same. Love them. Honestly. Sacrificially.
People, this is painful and honest stuff. Hard to write. Harder to live. If you like what you see, subscribe by clicking the "follow" button above and to the left. Also, please gimme your thoughts and comments.
Chris, this is outstanding. Wow did I ever need to read this. Thank you.
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