Ask the ladies around you. If they're honest, they may paint a different picture.
Where we've been
We've been talking about relationships. We discussed how men relate to other men, and how women relate to other women. Yesterday, we discussed (no men allowed to go and peak at this) how women can better learn to understand men.
Today, the topic is on the gentlemen, and how we can learn to relate to women.
The line
Joey Tribbiani, from the hit show Friends, thought it was all in a line... "How you doing?" Every time he met a beautiful woman, his coy smiling face, and expected line would proceed; with amazing success.
Guys, when you're not on TV, it doesn't work like that. Maybe you're as good looking as Joey. Heck, maybe you make him look like a geekier version of PeeWee Herman. It still doesn't work like that.
When we were discussing how men relate to other men, we talked about how we stand shoulder to shoulder, focused on other things. Camping, hunting, sports, gaming, MMA, WOW, Halo, iPAD, music, ladies, comedians, movies... and the list goes on and on.
While the ladies relate face to face, processing a lot of what happens in their world through the lens of their emotion. "How does this make you feel?" "Are you OK?"
Connecting
If you want to connect with a lady, and by this I mean actually connect. Not just touch them. Not just speak to them. Not just to remain their family member. But, if you want to actually connect, it may be time for some change. It might be time to take a look at their playbook, and learn from how they do things.
Guys, we're gonna be very honest, and frank. Some of this might be tough and unpopular.
First of all, as guys it is our responsibility to lead. Before you get your panties all up in a bunch and run out to correct your wife for not following you correctly, let me enlighten you what that responsibility really means, and where the onus lies.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
This verse starts off well enough. "Husbands, love your wives."
"I do that already", you may be thinking. "I've got the love thing down pat". But, the verse doesn't end with this command. It clarifies how you should love her. "Just as Christ loved the church." Okay, that one hurts a little bit. It would be easier to swallow if it said "because Christ loved the church", or "kinda like Christ loved the church." No, he says "just as Christ loved the church." Ouchie.
The Apostle Paul still doesn't let us guys off the hook here. He leaves no room for interpretation. Tell us Paul, exactly what are you talking about when you say "Husbands, love your wife, just as Christ loved the church"? And his answer... "and gave himself up for her."
Brother, that's talking about the cross. That's talking about the cat-of-nine-tails that they whipped Christ with. That's talking about sacrifice. Paul tells us to love our wives, even though, and most especially when it is a sacrifice.
Sacrifice
It's easy to imagine taking a bullet for your lady. Heroically stepping in front of a moving car to shield her life. That is sacrifice. But that is easy sacrifice. It only has to happen once.
Sacrificing your life daily is something else entirely. Deciding day after day to shut your mouth, that's real sacrifice. Choosing to pick the movie or the TV show she would want to watch, even though it means missing Jack Bauer... that's sacrifice.
More than that, backing down from arguments even though you're positive that you're right. Now we're talking some sacrifice. Remember Paul telling us that love keeps no record of wrongs? Not bringing up any of the examples of the things she does wrong, that you could lay out in an argument... even though you know they would perfectly prove your point. That's tough stuff. It's sacrifice. It's our responsibility.
Taking responsibility
So, Adam and Eve are in the garden. They've eaten the apple and just figured out that they're naked. Which was probably and predictably more fun for Adam then for Eve. But, anyways, God comes walking through the Garden, looking for them and asks where they are. They are, of course, hiding. Naked, and all. God says, "Hey, who told you that you were naked? Did you eat from the apple tree?" (Terribly paraphrased)
Adam's response coming up here is truly one of the great moments in Male history. Just, us guys at our best... pitiful.
God asks if Adam at the apple, and Adam follows classic guy techniques...
- Deflect the question
- Shift the blame
- Show hostility to distract the person questioning
Adam says, "It was the woman that You gave me."
Deflect... when we think that answering a question will get us in trouble. We just ignore the question. God asks Adam if he ate the fruit, Adam start talking about something else.
Shift... if we can find someone else to blame, why not?. "It was the woman!" Blame her! It's all her fault.
Hostility... if neither of these techniques work, get angry and get loud. "And YOU gave her to me!"
If we want to be men instead of boys. It's time to stop acting like Adam and start acting like Christ. Take responsibility, and sacrifice that male pride.
Is there any special techniques? We heard you gave the girls some special techniques
Sorry, guys. There are no short cuts. There is no easy way out.
It's just like Adam's field that he looked over as God was handing out you-just-ate-the-fruit consequences.
You're gonna have to work at this, hard... for the rest of your life.
And it is absolutely and completely worth it.
The rewards
The female half to our species are absolutely astounding. They are an endless assortment of ever changing variables. They are like a Rubik's cube, except their colors change whenever they want to. And, sometimes they have 6 sides, but other times they only have 3.
Adam did all God gave him to do, and he was still bummed. So, God put him to sleep, and made Eve from his rib. When Adam woke up, he looked at that beautiful, tender, compassionate, frustrating, stubborn, laughing, grumpy girl, and said "AT LAST!!!"
Sorry guys, but we will never figure them out. Isn't that awesome?
Can you imagine how incredibly boring our lives would be otherwise?
...Christopher Levi
photo courtesy of http://www.chrisbuesphotography.com/
Tim Hawkins "The things you don't say to your wife" Wicked funny.
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