Face to Face. How women relate to other women...

We've been talking about relationships, and the advice and examples that Scripture lays down for us to apply to our lives. Yesterday, we talked about how guys relate to other guys. Today, it's all about the ladies.

Have you ever sat in a shopping mall and just watched people? Honestly, it is ceaselessly entertaining. Just the sheer diversity of styles, and personalities is unreal. But, imagine a ridiculous situation with me...

You've seated yourself on one of those benches in the mall. You bought a CinnaBon at the food court, and are now hoping to eat it in the absolute least visible spot you can find. You have searched for and found the perfect place. A place where you hopefully will not be seen as you gorge yourself on cinnamon-sugary-goodness, but still be able to do a whole lot of seeing. From opposite sides of your field of vision, two couples walk slowly towards each other. They are close in age, perhaps two sets of married couples from similar socio-economic circles. To you, the casual observer, there is nothing that would keep them from being friends, and for all you know, they probably already are. Little do you know, but the game is about to be played. As they approach, the two guys glance very very quickly at each other, they nod their heads in mutual acknowledgment of each others basic maleness, and perhaps they silently mouth a 'Sup?' in the others direction. With the women, the story started much earlier. From across the crowded mall, they have been studying each other. They each know the brand name and price of each piece of clothing the other wears. They watch the way the other walks. They notice earrings. They make mental note of shoe choices. At a mutually acceptable distance that is only known by these tribal members, Woman #1 will attempt to make eye contact. When Woman #2 allows her eyes to connect with Woman #1, Woman #1 smiles. At this point, there is very little margin for error. If Woman #2 does not return that valuable smile with something that appears to be genuine within their genetic hard-coded time limit, the smile on Woman #1's face will quickly turn to scorn. As they pass each other, their eyes will not meet again. Seconds after this encounter, but after the two have passed, Woman #1 will ask her husband, voice dripping with derision, “Did you see what she was wearing?” His monosyllabic reply is only, “Kim?” “What??!!”, she says. “You know her?”. He answers, “Sweetie, that was Mark and Kim.” And with the artful dodge that only a true woman can manage, she replies, “It was? Oh my gosh, didn't she look fantastic?”

With women, so much of their relationship is face to face. “How does that make you feel?” “You deserve better than him!” “Have you lost weight? Your face looks thinner!” They process emotional information not based upon what happens, not based upon what they should do about what happened, but primarily upon how what happened made them (or one of their friends) feel.

In yesterday's story of the Garden of Eden, we heard God explaining the consequences of Adam and Eve's choices. Let's listen in as He deals with Eve.

Genesis 3:16

To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children, Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Yesterday, when we looked through Adam's consequences, we saw phrases like... painful toil, thorns and thistles, and the sweat of your brow. What do we hear in Eve's? Pain, childbearing, with pain you will give birth, desire will be for your husband, he will rule over you. People, this is not fun stuff. It speaks of emotional heartbreak, and pain.

See, here's the deal. Man was created to provide. Woman was provided to create. (Please, I'm not trying to say anything bad about women, I'm trying to compliment you here.) Adam's sentence is to work in the field, often fruitlessly in order to provide. But Eve brings to him the possibility of creation. Children, born in pain. And also relationship. “Your desire will be for your husband.” And that is also born in pain for, “he will rule over you.”

The picture from yesterday was of Adam looking over his field, at what he needs to do. Today's is of Eve. She is looking at Adam's profile. He is lost in his thoughts of what he needs to do. She, however, is the only one speaking... seeking him... waiting for his attention... “How does this make you feel?" "Why aren't you talking to me?" "Why won't you look at me?”

Women relate to women face to face. Not “What happened?”, but rather, “How are you?” Not “What are you going to do?”, but rather, “Are you okay?”

How do we apply this in the real world? Do you want to risk attempting again to connect with your Mom? This time, instead of trying to get her to hear what you have to say, stand face to face, look her in the eyes, and ask “How are you?” Hardest of all, don't expect her to ask the same of you. Give this moment to her, with your full attention. Most difficult... with an open and giving heart, expect nothing in return.

Tomorrow, ladies I will give you the secret information on what your guy is thinking as you are talking with him as we discuss “Turning your face. How woman can learn to better understand men.”

...Christopher Levi

Photo provided by stacydebord@yahoo.com