Turning your face. How women can learn to understand men

Understanding the ridiculous psyche, and sometimes psychotic nature of men is something that only a woman will ever accomplish. We sure don't understand ourselves. Whether you're looking for friendship advice, dating help, family guidance, or marital counseling, the relationship that happens between a man and a woman affects them all.

Over the past week, we've been talking about relationships. We talked about how men relate to other men. Yesterday, we talked about how women relate to other women. Today, we'll discuss how women can learn to understand men.

No guys allowed today.

As a fully qualified member of the male species sub-group, there are certain No-No's that we don't discuss. Today, we will talk about those things in all their gory glory. So, if you are a guy... go away. But, come back tomorrow because we're gonna be chatting about the ladies.

An admission

Ladies, if you have been reading along over the last several days, you're probably thinking "Yeah, some of this is true, but this is seriously stereotypical and rather simplified." Yes, you are correct. There is no way to describe the wonderfulness that is woman in a 1000 word article. We could spend 400 pages describing your smile lines alone. So, time and space demand stereotype.

Stereotypes (not speaking of prejudice here), however, exist not because they are always right, but because they sometimes are. You probably are that much smarter than us. You do understand the emotional quotient of things so much more thoroughly. And we are loners. Look at TV and Movies. "The Last of the Mohicans", "The Lone Ranger", "Lone Wolf McQuade", "The Last Boyscout". The theme is so prevalent, because (at least to a degree) it is true.

Now, down to the nitty gritty of how you can better understand the maleness in your life.

The nitty-gritty

Tell no men that this was ever discussed, but, the number one thing that a man looks from from a woman is... (maybe not what you're thinking)... respect. That's right. For all our "toughness", we are a bit soft inside. For a guy, that search and hunger for respect drives much of what we do in life. Like Adam standing in the Garden of Eden, looking out at his fields, surveying what he needs to do, knowing that he will have to work his tail off all the days of his life; we realize something. The more we do, or the better we do it, the more we are able to provide. The more we are able to provide the better we feel about ourselves. When we feel more confidence about ourselves, we begin to interact with other people more confidently. Interacting with confidence, breeds respect. thus, a man finds much of his self-worth in what he "does."

Our self-worth and respect from others was not supposed to come from this source. In the Garden, God had already given man a job, something to do. He was to name the animals.

Gen 2:20 He gave names to all the livestock, birds, and wild animals. But still there was no companion suitable for him.

Do you see that. Adam accomplished all that God gave him to do, but he wasn't complete. He was missing something.

Gen 2:21-23a So the LORD God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of Adam's ribs and closed up the place from which he had taken it. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam. "At last!" Adam exclaimed.

Every great story has that moment in it, when the "he" finally sees the "she" and a big "At last!" reverberates.

You see, before the fall of man, before everything got all whopperdated (good word, huh? Substitute "messed up" for translation), Adam realized that Eve was his best "At last!" moment.

How do we fix this?

This is honestly painful to write. The only way to fix this is to give your husband, or your father, or your brother, or whatever guy were talking about more respect, even if you feel like it is unearned.

And how am I supposed to do that?

Turning your face. Maybe someday, you will be able to look each other in the eye and have deep meaningful conversations. But, for now, meet him where he is. Turn away from what you want and what you need in the relationship and selflessly uncover what he wants and what he needs. We know that what he needs most is respect, right? Turn away from looking at him, and instead look where he's looking. Stand shoulder to shoulder with him and study the things that he "does." And in that thing, you will begin to uncover a secret. You will see an image off in the distance of the man that he wants to be, perhaps only subconsciously.

Perhaps he's an adrenaline junkie. All pierced and tatted up. He finds anything he can do to get his heart pumping. Here's the truth. He wants to know that he's a warrior. That he could have thrived in battle. That he's a little dangerous. Your job now is to find the things in him that remind you of the man that he wants to be and PRAISE him for them. "You're so manly." "I feel safe when I'm with you."

Special hint

Want to know a quick way to hone in on the "man he wants to be?" Do this...

• Look at the things about him that tick you off.
• Look harder and deeper at them until you can find the positives in the negative
• Watch for how those things that tick you off sometimes also help you other times.
• Praise him for those moments.

Often, our biggest weakness and biggest strength are intertwined.

What does all this accomplish?

As you continue doing these things, he will slowly (much slower than you could ever imagine) begin to realize that he gets more respect from you than from anything he does.

And then one day it will happen. You will say something that touches his masculine soul. Maybe something that heals wounds left by an absent father or a traumatic situation. He will turn in surprise to look at you. And in your eyes, he will see the reflection of the man he always wanted to be.

And you will have the man you always wanted. Face to face.

Tomorrow, it's back to the guys. If you know a guy who needs to think about the things we are going to discuss here tomorrow, please make sure he jumps in.

...Christopher Levi

photo courtesy of http://www.chrisbuesphotography.com/ AWESOME photographer, and in North East Ohio!