Hanging with the Thieves Pt 2: Time Travel Secrets Revealed

Have you ever thought about time-travel? The ability to travel to the past and reword that classic argument. To kiss that person you should've kissed. To slap that face you should've slapped. Or, how about to go forward into the future, and find out whether this girl really will look just like her mom in 20 years. Discover what that business opportunity could really become. Get an advanced look at tomorrow's technology today.

Whether for the purest of reasons, or narcissistic, the ability to step-in-and-out of time is a concept that has fascinated man since the beginning of... well... time.

Last week, we talked about how the Past and the Future are both thieves. Today, we're gonna start talking about something a lot more fun. In my intense geekification, I will reveal to you how to change the past, and cement the future. (fanfares of trumpets, oohs and aahs of the crowd). I will uncover the Secrets of Time Travel, and I will use the examples given in scripture to prove my point.

So, set aside your head-shaking, nay-saying doubts. We may learn something together. We may learn how to free ourselves from the bonds of time, and alter a world that has been altogether untouchable.

"And the geek shall inherit the earth..." (slightly modified quote from a famous book)

Now, in all honesty, I'm not taking you on an H.G. Wells-ian journey on the Time Machine, but hang with me here. We have some fun stuff to think through. In order to really understand the present... in order to hope to affect the future... you've got to understand the past. 

*Disclaimer* Now, I know that last week we talked about how the past is a thief, but today we're gonna play the Parent-Card and call this a 'Do As I Say And Not As I Do' situation. You know what I'm talking about, when a commercial shows someone driving like a maniac, and then the words "Do Not Attempt This at Home" flash on the screen. Well, in order to accomplish what we need to get done here, we've got to look at the past, the WAY past. So, hold on, because this Gentile student is about to go all Hebrew on you.

The Jews, The Month of Nisan (not the car), and Water

The more things change, the more they stay the same

I recently moved to the Denver area from sunny tropical North Eastern Ohio. In process of the move, we purged a lot of stuff. A LOT of stuff. But, in our packing, I came across a bunch of old photographs. In some of those photos, I saw this dude. He kinda looked like me. But, then again, he kinda didn't look like me too. It was me, but it wasn't me, all at the same time. I was the same, but different. Fatter, thinner, harrier, balder, mustache, beard, clean shaven... each pic was a different man, but all of them were me. In fact, the summer after my junior year, I had to have my Senior Pictures retaken. In my rebellious first set, I had grown a nasty pseudo-mustache and my hair was long in a Joe-Dirt-sanctified mullet, which was too much for my High School to handle. So they had me retake them. The next set must be of a different dude. It's not just that the hair is shorter, that there is nary a wisp of facial hair visible, and that I had sprouted large pancake-sized glasses. But, the two sets of pics look like two entirely different people. When my wife first saw the one pic, she asked my Mother who it was in the picture.

Now, my wife is a completely different story. You can look at her 2 day old baby pictures, her 2nd grade picture, her 2nd year of college picture, or the picture of her holding our 2nd child and have no stinking doubt that it's her. She's different, but somehow she always looks the same. Same facial expression, same eyes, same orneriness. Same Stacy. She just gets better and better. I hate that about her... I do feel bad for her though. 20 years from now, I'll still be married to that young hottie, and she'll be stuck with old bald cantankerous me.

Thou changest not...

God is kinda like the perfect compromise between my wife and I in this. He's always consistent, but never boring. You can count on him to always come through like He always has, but to do it in new and inventive ways each time.

Which brings me to this week's Hebrew History Lesson...

The month of Nisan

The historic month of Nisan is a seriously action packed time of the Jewish calendar. Among others, you've got the Passover, the Feast of Unleavened Bread, and the Feast of Firstfruits. It was a month-long party.

That's something modern Christians have just never wrapped our heads around. The Jews were all about dancing their clothes off and partying till the early dawn. We're much too proper. During the Feast of the Passover, everyone had to have at least 4 glasses of wine. If you were too poor to buy your 4 glasses of wine, the money came out of the coffers for the poor. But, I digress...

Now, let me warn you again. If you're all for the politically correct, do-no-harm camp, you may want to stop here. Some of what scripture reveals is not pretty.

Still here?  Ok, here we go... let's look at what scripture says...

The 1st part of our story

The Cliff-Notes-Version... The Jews have been slaves for hundreds of years. Pharaoh's been building an empire on their backs. In order to keep the Jews week, Pharaoh orders all the 1st born males to be killed. Moses' mommy puts him in a basket in the water where he is plucked up by Pharaoh's daughter.  Mo's mom offers to be his maid, and Israel's hero grows up in Pharaoh's house. Fast forward a while, the Jews are continuing to pray for salvation, not realizing that God's already got the plan in motion. Moses peeps out an Egyptian beating a Jew, to his own surprise, Moses flips out, kills the egyptian, and takes off to hide in the desert.  (Yes, God uses murderers). (Shameless promotion of a great flick...)

Fast forward some more. Moses has been wandering around in the desert for a lot of years, found himself a fine black woman, and while walking with his sheep, stumbles upon a bush that is on fire, though not consumed, and is speaking to him. (Not that this story would be bought by any respectable church these days).

So, as commanded, Moses heads back to Egypt, to get Pharaoh to let his people go. Pharaoh refuses, lots of locusts, bloody water, plague, plague, plague. Pharaoh, says, "Yeah, go ahead and go... WAIT, I changed my mind!"

Our story pics up as God is done messing around with Pharaoh. We start in the 12th Chapter of Exodus.

"1 Now the LORD gave the following instructions to Moses and Aaron while they were still in the land of Egypt: 2 "From now on, this month will be the first month of the year for you. 3 Announce to the whole community that on the tenth day of this month each family must choose a lamb or a young goat for a sacrifice." - Exd 12:1-3 NLT

Alrighty, we're starting with the Passover and the Passover Lamb. By the way, only God is big enough to say, "This thing I'm about to do is so big, that your old calendar doesn't even matter. Today is the 1st day of the 1st month of a new year for you" I wouldn't think it wise to argue.

So, as instructed, each Jewish family chooses a 1-year old lamb or goat to sacrifice. Smaller families got together to share the sacrifice, depending on the size, and how much they could eat. 

"6 Take special care of these lambs until the evening of the fourteenth day of this first month. Then each family in the community must slaughter its lamb. 7 They are to take some of the lamb's blood and smear it on the top and sides of the doorframe of the house where the lamb will be eaten. 8 That evening everyone must eat roast lamb with bitter herbs and bread made without yeast. 9 The meat must never be eaten raw or boiled; roast it all, including the head, legs, and internal organs. 10 Do not leave any of it until the next day. Whatever is not eaten that night must be burned before morning. 11 "Wear your traveling clothes as you eat this meal, as though prepared for a long journey. Wear your sandals, and carry your walking sticks in your hands. Eat the food quickly, for this is the LORD's Passover." - Exd 12:3, 6-11 NLT

They take the lamb into their homes, the kids play with it. Everybody loves the little lamb. But, on the night of the 14th, things get bloody. With all the kids standing around. Dad grabs the lamb, and quickly slits it's throat. Mary doesn't have a little lamb anymore. They war-paint their doorframes with it's blood, roast it all, and pig out. (Is it appropriate to say "pig out" when you're talking about a lamb?)

But, they can't do this in their feetie-jammies. No, they're dressed and ready to go. Eat it fast. Burn anything left over.

It gets uglier.

"12 On that night I will pass through the land of Egypt and kill all the firstborn sons and firstborn male animals in the land of Egypt. I will execute judgment against all the gods of Egypt, for I am the LORD! 13 The blood you have smeared on your doorposts will serve as a sign. When I see the blood, I will pass over you. This plague of death will not touch you when I strike the land of Egypt." - Exd 12:12-13 NLT

Yeah, this is not politically correct polite stuff here. So very many reasons for so many people to get offended. It's genocide. It's sexist. It's ageist. And, He's killing the 1st born male animals too. I mean, come on! What did Fido do wrong? But, He is God. I wouldn't think it wise to argue.

A less bloody momentary diversion

On May 7th, 1989, in the 5th and final game of the 1st round of the 1989 NBA playoffs, the Cleveland Cavaliers were battling the Chicago Bulls. Michael Jordan, had just hit a jumper with 6 seconds left to give the Bulls their 1st lead of the game at 99-98. The Cavs had dominated the Bulls the entire season, beating them 6 times including a 6-point win in their last game of the regular season while the Cavs rested their 4 best players.

Once the playoffs start, the regular season just doesn't matter.

Cleveland takes a timeout. Craig Ehlo inbounds, gets a return pass, and scores on a layup, putting the Cavs on top 100-99.

What happened next is infamy.

Go back and watch the films. Jordan is being double teamed by Craig Ehlo and the gargantuan-shouldered Larry Nance. In the films you will see Jordan talking to Ehlo. Pointing at a spot on the floor. 

"Right there." It's like he's taunting him.

"Right there. I'm going to get the inbound pass, and I'm going to shoot it from right there."

"See if you can stop me."

He could not.

And, "The Shot" was recorded forever is Cleveland's misery. Along with The Catch, The Drive, The Fumble, and The Decision.

Now, it's one thing to beat an opponent. but to first tell exactly HOW you're going to beat them, and then to follow through and do EXACTLY what you said you were going to do... that's the stuff of legends.

Back to our story

"28 So the people of Israel did just as the LORD had commanded through Moses and Aaron. 29 And at midnight the LORD killed all the firstborn sons in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn son of the captive in the dungeon. Even the firstborn of their livestock were killed. 30 Pharaoh and his officials and all the people of Egypt woke up during the night, and loud wailing was heard throughout the land of Egypt. There was not a single house where someone had not died." - Exd 12:28-30 NLT

Yeah, that's some ugly stuff. I'd normally make some stupid joke here to break the tension, but... I've got nothing.

Here's where it get's weird.

"31 Pharaoh sent for Moses and Aaron during the night. "Leave us!" he cried. "Go away, all of you! Go and serve the LORD as you have requested. 32 Take your flocks and herds, and be gone. Go, but give me a blessing as you leave."" - Exd 12:31-32 NLT

Ummm? "But give me a blessing as you leave."???? What? Okay, so God really scared Pharaoh (understandable considering the mass death of only the first-born males Egyptians, but including all first-born male animals). That's something even Dr. House would say only God could do. And, now Pharaoh's scared of Moses. I guess I can understand.

And weirder yet.

"35 And the people of Israel did as Moses had instructed and asked the Egyptians for clothing and articles of silver and gold. 36 The LORD caused the Egyptians to look favorably on the Israelites, and they gave the Israelites whatever they asked for. So, like a victorious army, they plundered the Egyptians!" - Exd 12:35-36 NLT

This is tough for me. I know the Jews have been in slavery for exactly 430 years. In fact 430 years to the day. But this just seems like adding insult to injury. All their 1st born die, then Pharaoh asks for a blessing, finally, the Egyptians PAY them to leave!!!!

And so, 600,000 men (not including the women and children) walk out of Egypt with all of Egypt's plunder.

"18 So God led them along a route through the wilderness toward the Red Sea, and the Israelites left Egypt like a marching army." - Exd 13:18 NLT

Okay, I'm no student of war. But, victorious marching armies do not leave a land and head towards a sea with no boats there to jump into. Pharaoh's smart enough to figure this out, and God knew that.

"1 Then the LORD gave these instructions to Moses: 2 "Tell the people to march toward Pi-hahiroth between Migdol and the sea. Camp there along the shore, opposite Baal-zephon. 3 Then Pharaoh will think, `Those Israelites are confused. They are trapped between the wilderness and the sea!' 4 And once again I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and he will chase after you. I have planned this so I will receive great glory at the expense of Pharaoh and his armies. After this, the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD!" So the Israelites camped there as they were told. 5 When word reached the king of Egypt that the Israelites were not planning to return to Egypt after three days, Pharaoh and his officials changed their minds. "What have we done, letting all these slaves get away?" they asked. 6 So Pharaoh called out his troops and led the chase in his chariot. 7 He took with him six hundred of Egypt's best chariots, along with the rest of the chariots of Egypt, each with a commander. 8 The LORD continued to strengthen Pharaoh's resolve, and he chased after the people of Israel who had escaped so defiantly. 9 All the forces in Pharaoh's army--all his horses, chariots, and charioteers--were used in the chase. The Egyptians caught up with the people of Israel as they were camped beside the shore near Pi-hahiroth, across from Baal-zephon." - Exd 14:1-9 NLT

I know that hind-sight is 20/20. But, I almost feel bad for Pharaoh. The Jews, however, are still slaves at heart...

"10 As Pharaoh and his army approached, the people of Israel could see them in the distance, marching toward them. The people began to panic, and they cried out to the LORD for help. 11 Then they turned against Moses and complained, "Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? Why did you make us leave? 12 Didn't we tell you to leave us alone while we were still in Egypt? Our Egyptian slavery was far better than dying out here in the wilderness!"" - Exd 14:10-12 NLT

Now, I know that at this part of the story, I'm supposed to talk about how cowardly and unappreciative the Jews are. How little faith they have. But, I've got to be real here.

If I put myself in their shoes, this is looking pretty surreal to me. We've been in slavery for a hundred generations. Now all of the sudden, Moses shows up, ask Pharaoh to let us go worship for a couple of days, and when Ramses refuses, plagues start breaking all over the place.

Here's the thing though, they're affecting the Egyptians, but not the Jews. Frogs, rivers of blood, petulance. But, we're all untouched.

Then, Moses tells us to kill the lamb, slather on the blood, and put on your walking shoes.

The next day, all Egypt is crying, handing us their gold, and we go walking out... not towards the land of Canaan, but towards the Red Sea.

Now Pharaoh figured out that our 3-day field trip is being extended indefinitely, he's got us trapped against the sea, and he's coming charging.

I'd be soiling my shorts.

If you've been a slave for a hundred generations, a couple of weeks of having incredible favor and watching your masters suffer is not enough to break the cycle.

Have you heard the phrase, you can take the boy out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the boy? Well, you can take the Israelites out of slavery, but you can't take the slavery out of the Israelites.

I'd be freaking out, so would you.

Time for some comic relief in the story. Watch what Moses says.

"13 But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the LORD rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. 14 The LORD himself will fight for you. You won't have to lift a finger in your defense!"" - Exd 14:13-14 NLT

Now, there are times when, as a leader, you nail it. And other times you really stink, and you miss it. The moment of crisis. All eyes are on Moses. "What do we do? What do we do?", the people ask. Moses replies, "Just stand where you are and watch the LORD rescue you."

God's response...

"15 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving!" - Exd 14:15 NLT

Classic moment. Like something from a Mel Brooks movie.

"16 Use your shepherd's staff--hold it out over the water, and a path will open up before you through the sea. Then all the people of Israel will walk through on dry ground. 17 Yet I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they will follow the Israelites into the sea. Then I will receive great glory at the expense of Pharaoh and his armies, chariots, and charioteers. 18 When I am finished with Pharaoh and his army, all Egypt will know that I am the LORD!" 19 Then the angel of God, who had been leading the people of Israel, moved to a position behind them, and the pillar of cloud also moved around behind them. 20 The cloud settled between the Israelite and Egyptian camps. As night came, the pillar of cloud turned into a pillar of fire, lighting the Israelite camp. But the cloud became darkness to the Egyptians, and they couldn't find the Israelites. 21 Then Moses raised his hand over the sea, and the LORD opened up a path through the water with a strong east wind. The wind blew all that night, turning the seabed into dry land. 22 So the people of Israel walked through the sea on dry ground, with walls of water on each side! 23 Then the Egyptians--all of Pharaoh's horses, chariots, and charioteers--followed them across the bottom of the sea. 24 But early in the morning, the LORD looked down on the Egyptian army from the pillar of fire and cloud, and he threw them into confusion. 25 Their chariot wheels began to come off, making their chariots impossible to drive. "Let's get out of here!" the Egyptians shouted. "The LORD is fighting for Israel against us!" 26 When all the Israelites were on the other side, the LORD said to Moses, "Raise your hand over the sea again. Then the waters will rush back over the Egyptian chariots and charioteers." 27 So as the sun began to rise, Moses raised his hand over the sea. The water roared back into its usual place, and the LORD swept the terrified Egyptians into the surging currents. 28 The waters covered all the chariots and charioteers--the entire army of Pharaoh. Of all the Egyptians who had chased the Israelites into the sea, not a single one survived. 29 The people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry land, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides." - Exd 14:16-29 NLT

And exactly how does this relate?

GREAT Story. But, what in the name of corn on the cob does it have to do with time-travel, the past, and the future

Well, in order to understand, we've got to fast forward 40 years so we can start to see a pattern starting to develop. In much the same way that you can look at my wife Stacy's baby picture and see the pattern of the smoking hot thing she would become.

40 years later, the 2nd part of our story

It's the Month of Nisan again. Moses is now dead, and all the people are looking to Joshua for answers. Joshua has sent a couple spies across the Jordan river to scope out Jericho. They're hiding in Rahab the Prostitutes roof (try getting your wife to believe THAT!). Rahab tells them that she is positive that God will give them the land because everybody is scared to death of them. Even though they've been wandering around in the desert for 40 years, the story of how they left Egypt, the blood on the door posts, and how they crossed the Red Sea is fresh in the Jerichoians minds. She begs for their mercy, and the spies promise that if she hangs a scarlet-red cord from the window and stays in her house, her family will be spared. (kinda like the blood on the door posts thing 40 years earlier). So, once again, the Jews are camped beside a body of water. We'll pick it up in scripture and we'll see if our pattern continues developing.

"9 So Joshua told the Israelites, "Come and listen to what the LORD your God says. 10 Today you will know that the living God is among you. He will surely drive out the Canaanites, Hittites, Hivites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites, and Jebusites. 11 Think of it! The Ark of the Covenant, which belongs to the Lord of the whole earth, will lead you across the Jordan River! 12 Now choose twelve men, one from each tribe. 13 The priests will be carrying the Ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth. When their feet touch the water, the flow of water will be cut off upstream, and the river will pile up there in one heap." 14 When the people set out to cross the Jordan, the priests who were carrying the Ark of the Covenant went ahead of them. 15 Now it was the harvest season, and the Jordan was overflowing its banks. But as soon as the feet of the priests who were carrying the Ark touched the water at the river's edge, 16 the water began piling up at a town upstream called Adam, which is near Zarethan. And the water below that point flowed on to the Dead Sea until the riverbed was dry. Then all the people crossed over near the city of Jericho. 17 Meanwhile, the priests who were carrying the Ark of the LORD's covenant stood on dry ground in the middle of the riverbed as the people passed by them. They waited there until everyone had crossed the Jordan on dry ground." - Jos 3:9-17 NLT

I don't know about you. But, to me... that's crazy. Same month, same nation of people. Water parting. Walking on dry ground. Some things are different, but the similarities are too big to ignore.

Let's take a closer look at the story, and see if we can figure out what God's doing here. Because, to do it once, is something incredible. To do it again...

Last time, they were running scared. They were free men that did yet know that they were free. So, when Pharaoh's army came charging, they freaked out and begged to be slaves again. God, however knew better (as He always does), and Moses stretched out his staff, and the waters parted.

This time, it's a different story. There's nothing like 40 years of wandering in the desert with clothes that never wear out and food miraculously appearing each and every morning to make you believe that God's looking out for you. The Israelite's aren't so scared this time. They're coming in to conquer.

Over the last 40 years, they became a real nation. The handing down of the Law. They took all the Eqyptian gold and silver, and made a portable temple to worship God in. It's not been perfect, and they've screwed plenty of stuff up, but all in all, they're in a good groove, and it's a different people that are approaching the water this time.

Now, the Jordan river is a MESS at this time of the year. It's like an angry hornet when you just ran over his nest with your lawn-mower. It's wide, it's dirty, and it is something to be afraid of. There's no stretching out the staff, instead, this time, the priests step down into the water, carrying the ark of the covenant, and the water doesn't just part. Let's look again at what it says, 

"15 Now it was the harvest season, and the Jordan was overflowing its banks. But as soon as the feet of the priests who were carrying the Ark touched the water at the river's edge, 16 the water began piling up at a town upstream called Adam, which is near Zarethan. And the water below that point flowed on to the Dead Sea until the riverbed was dry. Then all the people crossed over near the city of Jericho." - Jos 3:15-16 NLT

"The water began piling up at a town upstream called Adam." Hmmm. Adam. Where have I heard that name before.

Let's get metaphysical. Metaphysical. I wanna get metaphysical.

(A very poor Olivia Newton John reference in case you weren't sure).

Did you know that when a baby is being formed in the womb, the optic nerve start to grow from the eye towards the brain, and from the brain towards the eye at the same time. At some point, the two part meet in the middle, 1.2 million nerve fibers reach out to their precise 1.2 million counterparts, and sight becomes possible.

The point is, God knows what He's doing, and He's so stinking good at what He does that His excellence bleeds over into every part of it.

So, if you were God, and trying to make a point. If you were trying to tell a story that was bigger than the story you were presently in, and you wanted people to figure it out, wouldn't you leave some clues around?

The River of Time

Steve Miller sang that "Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking, into the future."

It never stops. I was brushing my teeth this morning and saw these 3 big deep ugly wrinkles on my forehead. I'm old. Time is ticking.

But, you've got to understand, that God created time, and thus, He is not contained by it. 

To us, time flows like a river. Always in one direction. Unstoppable.

But God is not us. He's not held to our limitations. He is the beginning and the end at the same time.

So, when God instruct Joshua to have the priests carry the Ark of the Covenant (we'll get to the Ark in more detail later on... VERY COOL!), and step down into the water, the miraculous happens.

Verse 16 says that the water began to pile up at a town upstream called Adam. And the water below that point flowed on to the Dead Sea till the river bed was dry.

What the HECK? 

If time is a river. Do we have any reference points upstream called Adam?

More importantly, what the HECK was up with an Ark that was powerful enough to make time roll back to Adam, and dry it up all the way off into the Dead Sea?

THAT, my friends is a poop load of fun, and I'm saving it for Part 3.  See you next time!!!

Hanging with the Thieves Pt 1

Post New Year 2011


So, we're a little ways into 2011. Did you skip the typical New Year's resolution this year like I did?

Maybe it's just me, but the older I get, the less I expect things to actually change in and around my life. I mean, let's get real... I'm 40 years old. Statistics say, the person you are when you're 40 is basically the person you'll be from there on out. Or, at least you're not getting much better. Older, wrinklier, crotchety-er (is that a word?), and generally worse, yeah... those changes will happen. But the thought of actually becoming a better person? Come on, now...

So, really... what's the point of the New Year's resolution? I mean New Year's is an awesome opportunity. It's a do-over. A mulligan. A reboot. Who wouldn't want their Future to be drastically different from their past? Your future could be AWESOME! I know... right? Who wouldn't want to forget the past and move unhindered into the future? 

But what if your past was already awesome? Oh, snap!

The truth is that every New Year's, we rediscover something that has always been true, but we continually lose sight of... both the past and the future are thieves.

Living in the Past

I'm sure you've met them. There's two different kinds, and both are being robbed blind.

The Former Athlete

His high school narrow waist and broad mind may have since switched places. His hair might have mysteriously slid from atop his head back towards his shoulder which have sprouted hair all their own. But, he still has "The Game." The game when he ran for, caught or threw the winning touchdown. The game where he blocked or scored the winning shot. The game when he became King. But, this king is prisoner of his kingdom.

Since that moment of greatness, no moment has ever compared. Nothing he does can bring him back to the greatness of that moment. And so, he is stuck doing nothing... robbed blind by his past.

The Victim

Perhaps you know her. If you do know her, then you've definitely heard her story. The story of the gift she never received. The mother who controlled all she did. The father who drank too much. All the things that happened to her. All in the past. All with tentacles that decades later strangle her still. There is no denying the pain and tragedy these situations birthed into her life. But the pain continues long after the injuring is complete. So involved still in her past, her life is being stolen from her day by day.

The Past is a Thief

So, whether your past rocked, or your past was merely rocky, if it controls you... it's still a thief.

Living in the Future

Maybe you're not stuck in the past. Maybe you've got dreams. Maybe you've got plans. One thing you know for sure, you've got a future.

The Dreamer

Perhaps you know the Dreamer. He's been involved in every Network Marketing "opportunity" that hasn't yet been invented. He doesn't have much past to hold him down, because he hasn't ever really done anything. The one thing that he knows for sure is that when he hits the lottery, or when his invention gets picked up by Ronco, or when his manuscript (that he hasn't yet started to write) get's picked up by that major publisher... then he'll have arrived. Then, he'll buy that boat... pay cash for that car... buy those expensive shoes. He'll get there... someday. But someday is a stinking thief, and it's robbing him blind. 

The Planner


Or maybe you or one of your loved ones are a Planner. You've got it all figured out. You know what you're GPA will be when you graduate from High School. You know what college you will be attending, what fraternity/sorority you will bless with your presence. You know where you will be interning, what your 1st year's salary will be. Depending on your stage of life, you've already designed your house... know what your spouse will look like... how many kids you'll have. You know how much you need to save each year to buy the house you're planning on buying. Perhaps you know where your kids will go to school, where they'll go to college. Perhaps you've got their lives planned out as well. You know EVERYTHING about the future, but I'll guarantee your vision for the future has left you blind to today.


Hanging with the Thieves


The New Living Translation tells the story like this... The crowd watched, and the leaders laughed and scoffed. "He saved others," they said, "let him save himself if he is really God's Chosen One, the Messiah." The soldiers mocked him, too, by offering him a drink of sour wine. They called out to him, "If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!" A signboard was nailed to the cross above him with these words: "This is the King of the Jews." One of the criminals hanging beside him scoffed, "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself--and us, too, while you're at it!"  But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you are dying? We deserve to die for our evil deeds, but this man hasn't done anything wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom." And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise." By this time it was noon, and darkness fell across the whole land until three o'clock. The light from the sun was gone. And suddenly, the thick veil hanging in the Temple was torn apart. Then Jesus shouted, "Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!" And with those words he breathed his last. (Luke 23:35-46, NLT)


The Voice of the Past


Let's be real here. Do you think Jesus ever suffered from performance anxiety? I know the bible says that he "was tempted in every way." But, I mean, He was Jesus. He knew he was always gonna be able to pull through and perform.


Well, I can't speaks for HeyZeus, but I can speak for myself. In general, I'm a screw up. I'm not really good at anything. The little bit I have been able to accomplish is because I've lucked into it. Have you seen how beautiful my wife and kids are? I'm just saying...


The Voice of MY Past


Anyways, when I'm scared to death I'm not going to be able to accomplish something, when I'm facing a fierce deadline, or when I've got no choice but to move forward, when all I want to do is go back to bed and hide. The absolute LAST thing I need is for someone to remind me of the last time I blundered into something that actually kind of worked. I know they think they're being encouraging. But it's really not encouraging to remind me of how close I came to imminent disaster and worldwide destruction.


Now Jesus probably didn't have my issues. But I'm also sure the people around Him reminding Him of His past were probably not root-root-rooting Him on as they were watching him being crucified.


The Voice of Jesus' Past


No, their "Weren't you the one who fed 5,000 people...", "Didn't you perform all kinds of crazy miracles...", "And YOU were coming to save US?" comments were not designed to encourage and cheer Him on to success. They were taunts. The voices from the Past always are.


There is something else the voice from the Past always is, it's selfish. "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself--and us, too, while you're at it!"


Hanging on one side of Jesus was a thief. The Voices from the Past are always there to steal from you. 

• You're just like your Father.
• You're as controlling as your Mom.
• Your best days are behind you.
• You're disqualified.
• You're too dirty.
• You've screwed up too many times.

No matter if it was good or it was bad, the Past is a thief who belongs in the past.

The Voice of the Future

Again, I can't speak much for Jesus. But if I was hanging on a wooden torture rack that I had been nailed to after being beaten, punched, kicked, my bears plucked out (which is why I keep it so short), whipped, and a bunch of thorns stabbed into my scalp in a mockery of a crown... the absolute last thing that I want to think about is what's coming next.

Again, thank GOD that I am not Jesus, or you all'd be in a mess of trouble.

But, Jesus, as usual, has His "game-face" on. He knows what's going on, and He will not be dissuaded. In answer to the 1st thief's taunts, we hear the 2nd thief trying a different attempt...

But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you are dying? We deserve to die for our evil deeds, but this man hasn't done anything wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom." 

Awwww, wasn't that just... I don't know... sweet?

Let's take a step backwards and find out what's really going on here...

Let's set the stage

Now, if I'm gonna give my life for the salvation of all mankind (that's a remarkably laughable idea), and I need to go through torture and my eventual murder in order to accomplish it, all I've got to do is stand still for a couple of seconds...

Jesus was waiting in the night, knowing they were about to come and take him. He'd thought it all through. If I was in His shoes (or sandals as the case may be), and Judas is leading a group of Roman soldiers and diving in for a memorable kiss.

All I've got to do is stand still for a couple of seconds. They'll grab me, they'll take me, and from there on out, it's all up to them.

Jesus didn't have it that easy.

The hard part about being the King of Kings and the Savior of all Mankind, is that you're always in charge. Even when you don't want to be.

Ticklish

Here's something my masculinity encourages me never to admit. I am insanely ticklish. I do, however, love to tickle my kids. Bad combination.

Sometimes, they decide that it's funny to try to tickle me back. Now, I'm a bigger guy. 6'2" 225lbs. When a little girl sticks her fingers in my ribs or tickles the back of my neck, it is seriously difficult to not go all Ed-Norton-Eric-Bana-Lou-Ferrigno on them and throw them through the wall.

The simple fact that I CAN physically dominate them means that I have a specific responsibility to NOT physically dominate them.

Strength REQUIRES control and gentleness.

Back to our Story

The torturers, the one holding the whip, the ones casting lots for His clothes, the soldiers, the one driving the nails through his feet. Not a single one of them were any more capable than a newborn baby in comparison to the Lion they were trying to control.

Jesus couldn't let His concentration slip for even a second. Lest He go all Jackie-Chan on them and kick some bootie. Just a single nod towards the sky and The God of The Angel Armies calls down the... armies of angels, and the earth is a wasteland.

The Voice of the Past is always a Distraction

And so, Jesus hangs there, and the voice of the future speaks, seemingly harmlessly, "Lord, remember me when..."

The future always seems harmless. Trustworthy. This is where you should be looking, where you should be concentrating... or so it seems.

Why then, would Jesus say, "Do not worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough troubles of it's own." Why? Because it's the TRUTH! (He kinda had a knack for that.)

Let me be clear, here. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE FUTURE. Nothing. Except one thing. And that one thing was exactly what Jesus was focused on...

No, Jesus is not fooled by this "Confidence Man" hanging next to Him.

The Magic Word

Instead He speaks the one word that can unite the Past and the Future. The one word that redeems the past and enables the future.

With his arms stretched out, in one hand He grabs the Past. In the other hand he grabs the future. And He says the magic word.

"TODAY you will be with me in paradise!"

Maybe that seems anticlimactic. But every great truth is great because we all already know it. Today is all we've got. It is the only opportunity you have to do anything about the past or to prepare for the future.

Even as I type this, and even as you read this, today is becoming yesterday, and tomorrow is becoming today.

I've got a couple more things to talk to you about in this subject, and I think it's kind of crazy stuff... but we'll save that for next time...

2010 Pro Football Hall of Fame Queen Pageant features RELM, joyful and innocent

While the media is all abuzz about the recently distributed clip of a group of 8 and 9 year old scantily clad girls dancing in a competition to Beyonce's “Single Ladies”, Canton's own cuties, RELM brought an air of joy and innocence to this year's Pro Football Hall of Fame Queen Pageant.

ABC30 tells the story of the Orange County California group Precision Dance. A talented group of young girls dancing to Beyonce's “Single Ladies” and has the video of that dance that has created a national debate.

On the other side of the country, in Canton, Ohio, things couldn't have been more different.

As the 15 finalists in the 2010 Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival Queen Pageant awaited the announcement of the judges last tabulation, 4 beautiful young girls, RELM, took the stage and shocked the crowd.

RELM, made up of sisters Raegan (12), Evan (9), Logan (11), and Macy (8) are a musical group with big smiles, and bigger voices. They blend the contemporary with the classics, and perform with an exuberance, joy, and innocence that is too often missing in today's hyper-sexual youth entertainment environment.

“It's so nice to see young girls who are just allowed to be kids, and talented too!”, said Stephon King, producer of “Points to Ponder” mornings on WHBC 1480 AM after they aired a clip of the girls singing.

Watch the video of RELM performing at the pageant, and share your thoughts. I can personally attest to the quality of character that these young girls embody. After all, I am their daddy...

Christopher Levi

Times Square car bomb's threat felt in North East Ohio

As a Times Square attempted car bombing fizzles in New York, the Canton Repository reports on it. But, what does that threat mean for Northern Ohio? And, how do we respond?

Police were alerted by two vendors to an SUV that ultimately was found to contain three propane tanks, fireworks, two five-gallon cans of gasoline, and two clocks with batteries, and electrical wire. A few pops, some smoke, and many accelerated heart beats later; a potentially deadly situation was avoided.

"We avoided what could have been a very deadly event", said Mayor Michael Bloomburg.

"Other" places

Maybe you are like me... you read the news. You read of the atrocities that happen around the globe. Suicide bombers. Genocide. Rapists. Hate crimes. Murderers. Child abuse.

We hear about these things, but somehow we remain disconnected. This happened in New York. That happened in London. A car bombing in the Middle East. Mass murder in Africa. That stuff just doesn't happen here in Akron. Canton is safer than that.

Somehow, because it is distant, it seems less real. This could not be farther from the truth.

It is not about distance, it's about direction

Regardless of where you live. Hatred is on the rise. Maybe suicide bombers have not hit your market place. Does that mean that they won't? The horrors we read of now, we could not comprehend twenty years ago. Where will we be twenty years from now. Will downtown Akron be the site of a terrorist attack? Just because it hasn't happened here, does that mean that it won't? That it can't?

We live in a fallen world. Scripture says that the wages of sin is death. The problem with that phrase is that it is not always the sinner that dies. Too often, the innocent suffer because of the hatred or anger of another.

A drunk driver runs into a family late at night. Children are killed. The drunk driver walks away. Physically unharmed, but scarred none the less.

A rape is committed, a crime of anger and hatred. The angry attacker walks away less human. The innocent victim is shattered.

The wages of sin is death. Death of a body. Death of a person's humanity. Death of hope. Death of dreams. And, simply put, broken things don't fix themselves. They just steadily (and sometimes too quickly) get worse.

But that isn't fair.

No. It's not. Again, our world is fallen. that means that it is cracked. It is broken. And broken things just don't act right. Broken minds don't think correctly. Broken hearts don't know how to love. Broken dreamers live nightmares.

Luckily, God isn't fair either.

Maybe you grew up thinking that God was fair. Without a doubt, He is not. And His "unfairness" is one of the biggest sources of hope for us to rely upon.

It is true that the innocent victim does not deserve to pay the consequences for some other person's evil. But, neither do we deserve God's love and grace. He loves us not because we are good, but because He is good. So, the world is unfair, and it stinks. But God is even more unfair, and that's awesome.

A word of hope.

Let me leave you with some hope.

Scripture tells us that King David and his men had been in battle. When they returned home, they were horrified by what they found... or more accurately, what they did not find. While they were off battling, someone had stolen away their wives and children. Off fighting in a war, they did not realize the battle was closer to home than they thought.

King David and his men made chase. They found their wives. They found their children. They recovered them all. This Psalm picks up as they begin to sing and celebrate.

Psalm 126:1-2 (NIV) 1.A song of ascents. When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed. 2.Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them."

The end of that first verse is unreal... "we were like men who dreamed." If you have been too close to the horrors of this life, whether you live in North Eastern Ohio or the farthest corner of the earth, let me introduce you to the one who can show you how to dream again.

...Christopher Levi

Getting along with other people when the stereotypes just don't fit

Do you feel like a can of RC Cola in a Coke/Pepsi world? A little more Lane Bryant-y that you'd like, when all your friends are Limited and Express? Maybe you're a little too Quonset Hut, and not iTunes enough?

In translation... Do you sometimes feel like you just don't fit in? 

Where we've been

We've been talking about relationships. We've hit it from all the typical angles. Guys getting along with guys. Girls getting along with girls. Girls understanding guys, and guys hoping to get a glimpse into the fairer sex.

However, maybe none of these glass slippers seem to fit on your feet. Maybe the person's feet onto which you are trying to slip these stereotypical glass slippers are just not princess-like at all.

How does this all apply to you?

You've got a champion

If you go to Scripture, you will find a different Jesus then the homogenized, ultra-pasteurized version we see in many churches today. You know the one. The white Jesus.The flannelgraph Jesus. The boring Jesus with the light brown hair, the pointy beard, the sad puppy dog eyes, and the flowing white tunic with the brown cloak on his shoulders.

People... that ain't Jesus.

Not even close.

The non good-looking Jesus

First of all, Jesus was ugly. You've probably heard him called the "Fairest of ten thousand." Yeah, that's not in scripture. You know why? Because Jesus was plain old ugly. And if He wasn't ugly, at least He wasn't good looking either. That's what Isaiah the prophet said. Isaiah was right about every single thing he said Jesus would be, probably wise to believe him on this one too...

Isaiah 53:2b (NLT)  There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him.

The non in-crowd Jesus

Have you ever watched the show Friends. What an eclectic group of people. Isn't it just amazing though that every single one of them is beautiful? How does that happen?

In the real world, it doesn't. In Jesus' world, it didn't either.

The rag-tag group of dudes that Jesus spent most of his time with probably looked and acted more like an episode of Deadliest Catch than an episode of HEROES.

In today's equivalents, Jesus hung around with a crowd of real losers. There was Peter the big-mouthed redneck. James and John were power-hungry brother's whose Mommy came to do their dirty work. Matthew was like a crooked IRS agent. And Simon (the Zealot) was a mercenary.

Sound a little more like your group of friends?

The non sophisticated Jesus

This passage is one of the most beautiful things written in scripture. Not because it's poetic, but because it's not...

Matt 9:10-11a (NLT)  10.That night, Matthew invited Jesus and His disciples to be his dinner guests, along with his fellow tax collectors and many other notorious sinners. 11.The Pharisees were indignant, "Why does your teacher eat with such scum?"

That is stinking AWESOME! Now understand that Matthew is writing this. Matthew doesn't hesitate to invite Jesus and his boys to eat dinner with Matthew's "fellow tax collectors" (Did you know that tax collectors were not allowed to give testimony in trial, because it was assumed that they would lie) and "many other notorious sinners."

Let's say that last little part again, "many other NOTORIOUS SINNERS." That's some church for you. When the pharisees find out what Jesus is doing, they act like most church people today, "Why does your teacher eat with such scum?"

That is a Jesus worth hanging around with.

Learning about relationships from that Jesus

We know that Jesus was all about the love. In this next scene, he's talking to a big group of people and turning a lot of their theology on it's ear...

Matt 5:43-47 (NLT)  43."You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44.But I say, 'Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!' 45.In that way, you will be acting like true children of your Father in heaven. For He give his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too. 46.If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that. 47.If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different than anyone else? Even pagans do that."

There is a ginormous secret in this passage. It is the secret to happiness and successful relationships. Even if you have as many screwed up friends as Jesus did. Even if you're more screwed up than they are.

The secret

This is going to sound like a cliche, but I can't find any simpler way to put this... God doesn't love you because you are good. God loves you because He is good.

The whole concept of this passage is this... you've always been taught to love the good ones and hate the bad ones. Give people what they deserve. Treat people how they should be treated. Do unto others how they would have done unto you.

This is not God's way. And, it is not what Jesus lived, or how He wants us to live.

Love people. Treat them well. Value their opinions. Treasure their time. Give them sunshine when they need it. Give them rain when they need that instead.

This is not to say you should candy-coat everything and all things will be unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes, the honest truth is love. Sometimes, shutting your mouth is love. Sometimes, driving home a drunk friend is love. Sometimes, confronting an issue is love. Sometimes, you need to let it slide.

This brings us to a deeper secret.

The deeper secret

God realizes this. Jesus realized this. If we can realize this... watch out.

Listen carefully. There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

We'll say that again. There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

You reap what you sow. You get what you give. It's just the way it works... You can't give your buddy a box full of horse poo (love that word), wrapped up all beautiful, and then expect him to thank you when he figures out what you did.

If you tell someone that you love them, but the intention of your heart is to hurt them, you'll accomplish what you were really trying to do. Wrapping that poo in a pretty package may fool them for a while, but... There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

If you truly love someone, you can confront them about the most painful of things and eventually it will bring healing. Wrapping that painful love in gentle thoughtful words may ease the original reception, but regardless... There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

Fini

So, the key to being successful in relationships, whether with your group of raggamuffin friends with which you fit so well, or the lone person with whom you communicate regularly is exactly the same. Love them. Honestly. Sacrificially.

People, this is painful and honest stuff. Hard to write. Harder to live. If you like what you see, subscribe by clicking the "follow" button above and to the left. Also, please gimme your thoughts and comments.

... Christopher Levi

Turning towards. How men can learn to relate to women

Guys, do you consider yourselves the LeBron James of relationships when it comes to getting along with the opposite sex? Are you the Placido Domingo of love? The Mahatma Ghandi of family? The Nelson Mendela of friends?

Ask the ladies around you. If they're honest, they may paint a different picture.

Where we've been

We've been talking about relationships.  We discussed how men relate to other men, and how women relate to other women. Yesterday, we discussed (no men allowed to go and peak at this) how women can better learn to understand men.

Today, the topic is on the gentlemen, and how we can learn to relate to women.

The line

Joey Tribbiani, from the hit show Friends, thought it was all in a line... "How you doing?" Every time he met a beautiful woman, his coy smiling face, and expected line would proceed; with amazing success.

Guys, when you're not on TV, it doesn't work like that. Maybe you're as good looking as Joey. Heck, maybe you make him look like a geekier version of PeeWee Herman. It still doesn't work like that.

When we were discussing how men relate to other men, we talked about how we stand shoulder to shoulder, focused on other things. Camping, hunting, sports, gaming, MMA, WOW, Halo, iPAD, music, ladies, comedians, movies... and the list goes on and on.

While the ladies relate face to face, processing a lot of what happens in their world through the lens of their emotion. "How does this make you feel?" "Are you OK?"

Connecting

If you want to connect with a lady, and by this I mean actually connect. Not just touch them. Not just speak to them. Not just to remain their family member. But, if you want to actually connect, it may be time for some change. It might be time to take a look at their playbook, and learn from how they do things.

Guys, we're gonna be very honest, and frank. Some of this might be tough and unpopular.

First of all, as guys it is our responsibility to lead. Before you get your panties all up in a bunch and run out to correct your wife for not following you correctly,  let me enlighten you what that responsibility really means, and where the onus lies.

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

This verse starts off well enough. "Husbands, love your wives."

"I do that already", you may be thinking. "I've got the love thing down pat". But, the verse doesn't end with this command. It clarifies how you should love her. "Just as Christ loved the church."  Okay, that one hurts a little bit. It would be easier to swallow if it said "because Christ loved the church", or "kinda like Christ loved the church." No, he says "just as Christ loved the church." Ouchie.

The Apostle Paul still doesn't let us guys off the hook here. He leaves no room for interpretation. Tell us Paul, exactly what are you talking about when you say "Husbands, love your wife, just as Christ loved the church"? And his answer... "and gave himself up for her."

Brother, that's talking about the cross. That's talking about the cat-of-nine-tails that they whipped Christ with. That's talking about sacrifice. Paul tells us to love our wives, even though, and most especially when it is a sacrifice.

Sacrifice

It's easy to imagine taking a bullet for your lady. Heroically stepping in front of a moving car to shield her life. That is sacrifice. But that is easy sacrifice. It only has to happen once.

Sacrificing your life daily is something else entirely. Deciding day after day to shut your mouth, that's real sacrifice. Choosing to pick the movie or the TV show she would want to watch, even though it means missing Jack Bauer... that's sacrifice.

More than that, backing down from arguments even though you're positive that you're right. Now we're talking some sacrifice. Remember Paul telling us that love keeps no record of wrongs? Not bringing up any of the examples of the things she does wrong, that you could lay out in an argument... even though you know they would perfectly prove your point. That's tough stuff. It's sacrifice. It's our responsibility.

Taking responsibility

So, Adam and Eve are in the garden. They've eaten the apple and just figured out that they're naked. Which was probably and predictably more fun for Adam then for Eve. But, anyways, God comes walking through the Garden, looking for them and asks where they are. They are, of course, hiding. Naked, and all. God says, "Hey, who told you that you were naked? Did you eat from the apple tree?" (Terribly paraphrased)

Adam's response coming up here is truly one of the great moments in Male history. Just, us guys at our best... pitiful.

God asks if Adam at the apple, and Adam follows classic guy techniques...

• Deflect the question
• Shift the blame
• Show hostility to distract the person questioning

In one simple sentence, Adam makes his way through all 3 of these techniques in the Genesis of what are now these time honored techniques.

Adam says, "It was the woman that You gave me."

Deflect... when we think that answering a question will get us in trouble. We just ignore the question. God asks Adam if he ate the fruit, Adam start talking about something else.

Shift... if we can find someone else to blame, why not?. "It was the woman!" Blame her! It's all her fault.

Hostility... if neither of these techniques work, get angry and get loud. "And YOU gave her to me!"

If we want to be men instead of boys. It's time to stop acting like Adam and start acting like Christ. Take responsibility, and sacrifice that male pride.

Is there any special techniques? We heard you gave the girls some special techniques

Sorry, guys. There are no short cuts. There is no easy way out.

It's just like Adam's field that he looked over as God was handing out you-just-ate-the-fruit consequences.
You're gonna have to work at this, hard... for the rest of your life.

And it is absolutely and completely worth it.

The rewards

The female half to our species are absolutely astounding. They are an endless assortment of ever changing variables. They are like a Rubik's cube, except their colors change whenever they want to. And, sometimes they have 6 sides, but other times they only have 3.

Adam did all God gave him to do, and he was still bummed. So, God put him to sleep, and made Eve from his rib. When Adam woke up, he looked at that beautiful, tender, compassionate, frustrating, stubborn, laughing, grumpy girl, and said "AT LAST!!!"

Sorry guys, but we will never figure them out. Isn't that awesome?

Can you imagine how incredibly boring our lives would be otherwise?

...Christopher Levi

photo courtesy of http://www.chrisbuesphotography.com/

Tim Hawkins "The things you don't say to your wife" Wicked funny.