2010 Pro Football Hall of Fame Queen Pageant features RELM, joyful and innocent

While the media is all abuzz about the recently distributed clip of a group of 8 and 9 year old scantily clad girls dancing in a competition to Beyonce's “Single Ladies”, Canton's own cuties, RELM brought an air of joy and innocence to this year's Pro Football Hall of Fame Queen Pageant.

ABC30 tells the story of the Orange County California group Precision Dance. A talented group of young girls dancing to Beyonce's “Single Ladies” and has the video of that dance that has created a national debate.

On the other side of the country, in Canton, Ohio, things couldn't have been more different.

As the 15 finalists in the 2010 Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival Queen Pageant awaited the announcement of the judges last tabulation, 4 beautiful young girls, RELM, took the stage and shocked the crowd.

RELM, made up of sisters Raegan (12), Evan (9), Logan (11), and Macy (8) are a musical group with big smiles, and bigger voices. They blend the contemporary with the classics, and perform with an exuberance, joy, and innocence that is too often missing in today's hyper-sexual youth entertainment environment.

“It's so nice to see young girls who are just allowed to be kids, and talented too!”, said Stephon King, producer of “Points to Ponder” mornings on WHBC 1480 AM after they aired a clip of the girls singing.

Watch the video of RELM performing at the pageant, and share your thoughts. I can personally attest to the quality of character that these young girls embody. After all, I am their daddy...

Christopher Levi

Times Square car bomb's threat felt in North East Ohio

As a Times Square attempted car bombing fizzles in New York, the Canton Repository reports on it. But, what does that threat mean for Northern Ohio? And, how do we respond?

Police were alerted by two vendors to an SUV that ultimately was found to contain three propane tanks, fireworks, two five-gallon cans of gasoline, and two clocks with batteries, and electrical wire. A few pops, some smoke, and many accelerated heart beats later; a potentially deadly situation was avoided.

"We avoided what could have been a very deadly event", said Mayor Michael Bloomburg.

"Other" places

Maybe you are like me... you read the news. You read of the atrocities that happen around the globe. Suicide bombers. Genocide. Rapists. Hate crimes. Murderers. Child abuse.

We hear about these things, but somehow we remain disconnected. This happened in New York. That happened in London. A car bombing in the Middle East. Mass murder in Africa. That stuff just doesn't happen here in Akron. Canton is safer than that.

Somehow, because it is distant, it seems less real. This could not be farther from the truth.

It is not about distance, it's about direction

Regardless of where you live. Hatred is on the rise. Maybe suicide bombers have not hit your market place. Does that mean that they won't? The horrors we read of now, we could not comprehend twenty years ago. Where will we be twenty years from now. Will downtown Akron be the site of a terrorist attack? Just because it hasn't happened here, does that mean that it won't? That it can't?

We live in a fallen world. Scripture says that the wages of sin is death. The problem with that phrase is that it is not always the sinner that dies. Too often, the innocent suffer because of the hatred or anger of another.

A drunk driver runs into a family late at night. Children are killed. The drunk driver walks away. Physically unharmed, but scarred none the less.

A rape is committed, a crime of anger and hatred. The angry attacker walks away less human. The innocent victim is shattered.

The wages of sin is death. Death of a body. Death of a person's humanity. Death of hope. Death of dreams. And, simply put, broken things don't fix themselves. They just steadily (and sometimes too quickly) get worse.

But that isn't fair.

No. It's not. Again, our world is fallen. that means that it is cracked. It is broken. And broken things just don't act right. Broken minds don't think correctly. Broken hearts don't know how to love. Broken dreamers live nightmares.

Luckily, God isn't fair either.

Maybe you grew up thinking that God was fair. Without a doubt, He is not. And His "unfairness" is one of the biggest sources of hope for us to rely upon.

It is true that the innocent victim does not deserve to pay the consequences for some other person's evil. But, neither do we deserve God's love and grace. He loves us not because we are good, but because He is good. So, the world is unfair, and it stinks. But God is even more unfair, and that's awesome.

A word of hope.

Let me leave you with some hope.

Scripture tells us that King David and his men had been in battle. When they returned home, they were horrified by what they found... or more accurately, what they did not find. While they were off battling, someone had stolen away their wives and children. Off fighting in a war, they did not realize the battle was closer to home than they thought.

King David and his men made chase. They found their wives. They found their children. They recovered them all. This Psalm picks up as they begin to sing and celebrate.

Psalm 126:1-2 (NIV) 1.A song of ascents. When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed. 2.Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them."

The end of that first verse is unreal... "we were like men who dreamed." If you have been too close to the horrors of this life, whether you live in North Eastern Ohio or the farthest corner of the earth, let me introduce you to the one who can show you how to dream again.

...Christopher Levi

Getting along with other people when the stereotypes just don't fit

Do you feel like a can of RC Cola in a Coke/Pepsi world? A little more Lane Bryant-y that you'd like, when all your friends are Limited and Express? Maybe you're a little too Quonset Hut, and not iTunes enough?

In translation... Do you sometimes feel like you just don't fit in? 

Where we've been

We've been talking about relationships. We've hit it from all the typical angles. Guys getting along with guys. Girls getting along with girls. Girls understanding guys, and guys hoping to get a glimpse into the fairer sex.

However, maybe none of these glass slippers seem to fit on your feet. Maybe the person's feet onto which you are trying to slip these stereotypical glass slippers are just not princess-like at all.

How does this all apply to you?

You've got a champion

If you go to Scripture, you will find a different Jesus then the homogenized, ultra-pasteurized version we see in many churches today. You know the one. The white Jesus.The flannelgraph Jesus. The boring Jesus with the light brown hair, the pointy beard, the sad puppy dog eyes, and the flowing white tunic with the brown cloak on his shoulders.

People... that ain't Jesus.

Not even close.

The non good-looking Jesus

First of all, Jesus was ugly. You've probably heard him called the "Fairest of ten thousand." Yeah, that's not in scripture. You know why? Because Jesus was plain old ugly. And if He wasn't ugly, at least He wasn't good looking either. That's what Isaiah the prophet said. Isaiah was right about every single thing he said Jesus would be, probably wise to believe him on this one too...

Isaiah 53:2b (NLT)  There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him.

The non in-crowd Jesus

Have you ever watched the show Friends. What an eclectic group of people. Isn't it just amazing though that every single one of them is beautiful? How does that happen?

In the real world, it doesn't. In Jesus' world, it didn't either.

The rag-tag group of dudes that Jesus spent most of his time with probably looked and acted more like an episode of Deadliest Catch than an episode of HEROES.

In today's equivalents, Jesus hung around with a crowd of real losers. There was Peter the big-mouthed redneck. James and John were power-hungry brother's whose Mommy came to do their dirty work. Matthew was like a crooked IRS agent. And Simon (the Zealot) was a mercenary.

Sound a little more like your group of friends?

The non sophisticated Jesus

This passage is one of the most beautiful things written in scripture. Not because it's poetic, but because it's not...

Matt 9:10-11a (NLT)  10.That night, Matthew invited Jesus and His disciples to be his dinner guests, along with his fellow tax collectors and many other notorious sinners. 11.The Pharisees were indignant, "Why does your teacher eat with such scum?"

That is stinking AWESOME! Now understand that Matthew is writing this. Matthew doesn't hesitate to invite Jesus and his boys to eat dinner with Matthew's "fellow tax collectors" (Did you know that tax collectors were not allowed to give testimony in trial, because it was assumed that they would lie) and "many other notorious sinners."

Let's say that last little part again, "many other NOTORIOUS SINNERS." That's some church for you. When the pharisees find out what Jesus is doing, they act like most church people today, "Why does your teacher eat with such scum?"

That is a Jesus worth hanging around with.

Learning about relationships from that Jesus

We know that Jesus was all about the love. In this next scene, he's talking to a big group of people and turning a lot of their theology on it's ear...

Matt 5:43-47 (NLT)  43."You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44.But I say, 'Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!' 45.In that way, you will be acting like true children of your Father in heaven. For He give his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and on the unjust, too. 46.If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that. 47.If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different than anyone else? Even pagans do that."

There is a ginormous secret in this passage. It is the secret to happiness and successful relationships. Even if you have as many screwed up friends as Jesus did. Even if you're more screwed up than they are.

The secret

This is going to sound like a cliche, but I can't find any simpler way to put this... God doesn't love you because you are good. God loves you because He is good.

The whole concept of this passage is this... you've always been taught to love the good ones and hate the bad ones. Give people what they deserve. Treat people how they should be treated. Do unto others how they would have done unto you.

This is not God's way. And, it is not what Jesus lived, or how He wants us to live.

Love people. Treat them well. Value their opinions. Treasure their time. Give them sunshine when they need it. Give them rain when they need that instead.

This is not to say you should candy-coat everything and all things will be unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes, the honest truth is love. Sometimes, shutting your mouth is love. Sometimes, driving home a drunk friend is love. Sometimes, confronting an issue is love. Sometimes, you need to let it slide.

This brings us to a deeper secret.

The deeper secret

God realizes this. Jesus realized this. If we can realize this... watch out.

Listen carefully. There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

We'll say that again. There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

You reap what you sow. You get what you give. It's just the way it works... You can't give your buddy a box full of horse poo (love that word), wrapped up all beautiful, and then expect him to thank you when he figures out what you did.

If you tell someone that you love them, but the intention of your heart is to hurt them, you'll accomplish what you were really trying to do. Wrapping that poo in a pretty package may fool them for a while, but... There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

If you truly love someone, you can confront them about the most painful of things and eventually it will bring healing. Wrapping that painful love in gentle thoughtful words may ease the original reception, but regardless... There is no way to separate the intention from the result.

Fini

So, the key to being successful in relationships, whether with your group of raggamuffin friends with which you fit so well, or the lone person with whom you communicate regularly is exactly the same. Love them. Honestly. Sacrificially.

People, this is painful and honest stuff. Hard to write. Harder to live. If you like what you see, subscribe by clicking the "follow" button above and to the left. Also, please gimme your thoughts and comments.

... Christopher Levi

Turning towards. How men can learn to relate to women

Guys, do you consider yourselves the LeBron James of relationships when it comes to getting along with the opposite sex? Are you the Placido Domingo of love? The Mahatma Ghandi of family? The Nelson Mendela of friends?

Ask the ladies around you. If they're honest, they may paint a different picture.

Where we've been

We've been talking about relationships.  We discussed how men relate to other men, and how women relate to other women. Yesterday, we discussed (no men allowed to go and peak at this) how women can better learn to understand men.

Today, the topic is on the gentlemen, and how we can learn to relate to women.

The line

Joey Tribbiani, from the hit show Friends, thought it was all in a line... "How you doing?" Every time he met a beautiful woman, his coy smiling face, and expected line would proceed; with amazing success.

Guys, when you're not on TV, it doesn't work like that. Maybe you're as good looking as Joey. Heck, maybe you make him look like a geekier version of PeeWee Herman. It still doesn't work like that.

When we were discussing how men relate to other men, we talked about how we stand shoulder to shoulder, focused on other things. Camping, hunting, sports, gaming, MMA, WOW, Halo, iPAD, music, ladies, comedians, movies... and the list goes on and on.

While the ladies relate face to face, processing a lot of what happens in their world through the lens of their emotion. "How does this make you feel?" "Are you OK?"

Connecting

If you want to connect with a lady, and by this I mean actually connect. Not just touch them. Not just speak to them. Not just to remain their family member. But, if you want to actually connect, it may be time for some change. It might be time to take a look at their playbook, and learn from how they do things.

Guys, we're gonna be very honest, and frank. Some of this might be tough and unpopular.

First of all, as guys it is our responsibility to lead. Before you get your panties all up in a bunch and run out to correct your wife for not following you correctly,  let me enlighten you what that responsibility really means, and where the onus lies.

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

This verse starts off well enough. "Husbands, love your wives."

"I do that already", you may be thinking. "I've got the love thing down pat". But, the verse doesn't end with this command. It clarifies how you should love her. "Just as Christ loved the church."  Okay, that one hurts a little bit. It would be easier to swallow if it said "because Christ loved the church", or "kinda like Christ loved the church." No, he says "just as Christ loved the church." Ouchie.

The Apostle Paul still doesn't let us guys off the hook here. He leaves no room for interpretation. Tell us Paul, exactly what are you talking about when you say "Husbands, love your wife, just as Christ loved the church"? And his answer... "and gave himself up for her."

Brother, that's talking about the cross. That's talking about the cat-of-nine-tails that they whipped Christ with. That's talking about sacrifice. Paul tells us to love our wives, even though, and most especially when it is a sacrifice.

Sacrifice

It's easy to imagine taking a bullet for your lady. Heroically stepping in front of a moving car to shield her life. That is sacrifice. But that is easy sacrifice. It only has to happen once.

Sacrificing your life daily is something else entirely. Deciding day after day to shut your mouth, that's real sacrifice. Choosing to pick the movie or the TV show she would want to watch, even though it means missing Jack Bauer... that's sacrifice.

More than that, backing down from arguments even though you're positive that you're right. Now we're talking some sacrifice. Remember Paul telling us that love keeps no record of wrongs? Not bringing up any of the examples of the things she does wrong, that you could lay out in an argument... even though you know they would perfectly prove your point. That's tough stuff. It's sacrifice. It's our responsibility.

Taking responsibility

So, Adam and Eve are in the garden. They've eaten the apple and just figured out that they're naked. Which was probably and predictably more fun for Adam then for Eve. But, anyways, God comes walking through the Garden, looking for them and asks where they are. They are, of course, hiding. Naked, and all. God says, "Hey, who told you that you were naked? Did you eat from the apple tree?" (Terribly paraphrased)

Adam's response coming up here is truly one of the great moments in Male history. Just, us guys at our best... pitiful.

God asks if Adam at the apple, and Adam follows classic guy techniques...

• Deflect the question
• Shift the blame
• Show hostility to distract the person questioning

In one simple sentence, Adam makes his way through all 3 of these techniques in the Genesis of what are now these time honored techniques.

Adam says, "It was the woman that You gave me."

Deflect... when we think that answering a question will get us in trouble. We just ignore the question. God asks Adam if he ate the fruit, Adam start talking about something else.

Shift... if we can find someone else to blame, why not?. "It was the woman!" Blame her! It's all her fault.

Hostility... if neither of these techniques work, get angry and get loud. "And YOU gave her to me!"

If we want to be men instead of boys. It's time to stop acting like Adam and start acting like Christ. Take responsibility, and sacrifice that male pride.

Is there any special techniques? We heard you gave the girls some special techniques

Sorry, guys. There are no short cuts. There is no easy way out.

It's just like Adam's field that he looked over as God was handing out you-just-ate-the-fruit consequences.
You're gonna have to work at this, hard... for the rest of your life.

And it is absolutely and completely worth it.

The rewards

The female half to our species are absolutely astounding. They are an endless assortment of ever changing variables. They are like a Rubik's cube, except their colors change whenever they want to. And, sometimes they have 6 sides, but other times they only have 3.

Adam did all God gave him to do, and he was still bummed. So, God put him to sleep, and made Eve from his rib. When Adam woke up, he looked at that beautiful, tender, compassionate, frustrating, stubborn, laughing, grumpy girl, and said "AT LAST!!!"

Sorry guys, but we will never figure them out. Isn't that awesome?

Can you imagine how incredibly boring our lives would be otherwise?

...Christopher Levi

photo courtesy of http://www.chrisbuesphotography.com/

Tim Hawkins "The things you don't say to your wife" Wicked funny.

Turning your face. How women can learn to understand men

Understanding the ridiculous psyche, and sometimes psychotic nature of men is something that only a woman will ever accomplish. We sure don't understand ourselves. Whether you're looking for friendship advice, dating help, family guidance, or marital counseling, the relationship that happens between a man and a woman affects them all.

Over the past week, we've been talking about relationships. We talked about how men relate to other men. Yesterday, we talked about how women relate to other women. Today, we'll discuss how women can learn to understand men.

No guys allowed today.

As a fully qualified member of the male species sub-group, there are certain No-No's that we don't discuss. Today, we will talk about those things in all their gory glory. So, if you are a guy... go away. But, come back tomorrow because we're gonna be chatting about the ladies.

An admission

Ladies, if you have been reading along over the last several days, you're probably thinking "Yeah, some of this is true, but this is seriously stereotypical and rather simplified." Yes, you are correct. There is no way to describe the wonderfulness that is woman in a 1000 word article. We could spend 400 pages describing your smile lines alone. So, time and space demand stereotype.

Stereotypes (not speaking of prejudice here), however, exist not because they are always right, but because they sometimes are. You probably are that much smarter than us. You do understand the emotional quotient of things so much more thoroughly. And we are loners. Look at TV and Movies. "The Last of the Mohicans", "The Lone Ranger", "Lone Wolf McQuade", "The Last Boyscout". The theme is so prevalent, because (at least to a degree) it is true.

Now, down to the nitty gritty of how you can better understand the maleness in your life.

The nitty-gritty

Tell no men that this was ever discussed, but, the number one thing that a man looks from from a woman is... (maybe not what you're thinking)... respect. That's right. For all our "toughness", we are a bit soft inside. For a guy, that search and hunger for respect drives much of what we do in life. Like Adam standing in the Garden of Eden, looking out at his fields, surveying what he needs to do, knowing that he will have to work his tail off all the days of his life; we realize something. The more we do, or the better we do it, the more we are able to provide. The more we are able to provide the better we feel about ourselves. When we feel more confidence about ourselves, we begin to interact with other people more confidently. Interacting with confidence, breeds respect. thus, a man finds much of his self-worth in what he "does."

Our self-worth and respect from others was not supposed to come from this source. In the Garden, God had already given man a job, something to do. He was to name the animals.

Gen 2:20 He gave names to all the livestock, birds, and wild animals. But still there was no companion suitable for him.

Do you see that. Adam accomplished all that God gave him to do, but he wasn't complete. He was missing something.

Gen 2:21-23a So the LORD God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of Adam's ribs and closed up the place from which he had taken it. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam. "At last!" Adam exclaimed.

Every great story has that moment in it, when the "he" finally sees the "she" and a big "At last!" reverberates.

You see, before the fall of man, before everything got all whopperdated (good word, huh? Substitute "messed up" for translation), Adam realized that Eve was his best "At last!" moment.

How do we fix this?

This is honestly painful to write. The only way to fix this is to give your husband, or your father, or your brother, or whatever guy were talking about more respect, even if you feel like it is unearned.

And how am I supposed to do that?

Turning your face. Maybe someday, you will be able to look each other in the eye and have deep meaningful conversations. But, for now, meet him where he is. Turn away from what you want and what you need in the relationship and selflessly uncover what he wants and what he needs. We know that what he needs most is respect, right? Turn away from looking at him, and instead look where he's looking. Stand shoulder to shoulder with him and study the things that he "does." And in that thing, you will begin to uncover a secret. You will see an image off in the distance of the man that he wants to be, perhaps only subconsciously.

Perhaps he's an adrenaline junkie. All pierced and tatted up. He finds anything he can do to get his heart pumping. Here's the truth. He wants to know that he's a warrior. That he could have thrived in battle. That he's a little dangerous. Your job now is to find the things in him that remind you of the man that he wants to be and PRAISE him for them. "You're so manly." "I feel safe when I'm with you."

Special hint

Want to know a quick way to hone in on the "man he wants to be?" Do this...

• Look at the things about him that tick you off.
• Look harder and deeper at them until you can find the positives in the negative
• Watch for how those things that tick you off sometimes also help you other times.
• Praise him for those moments.

Often, our biggest weakness and biggest strength are intertwined.

What does all this accomplish?

As you continue doing these things, he will slowly (much slower than you could ever imagine) begin to realize that he gets more respect from you than from anything he does.

And then one day it will happen. You will say something that touches his masculine soul. Maybe something that heals wounds left by an absent father or a traumatic situation. He will turn in surprise to look at you. And in your eyes, he will see the reflection of the man he always wanted to be.

And you will have the man you always wanted. Face to face.

Tomorrow, it's back to the guys. If you know a guy who needs to think about the things we are going to discuss here tomorrow, please make sure he jumps in.

...Christopher Levi

photo courtesy of http://www.chrisbuesphotography.com/ AWESOME photographer, and in North East Ohio!

Face to Face. How women relate to other women...

We've been talking about relationships, and the advice and examples that Scripture lays down for us to apply to our lives. Yesterday, we talked about how guys relate to other guys. Today, it's all about the ladies.

Have you ever sat in a shopping mall and just watched people? Honestly, it is ceaselessly entertaining. Just the sheer diversity of styles, and personalities is unreal. But, imagine a ridiculous situation with me...

You've seated yourself on one of those benches in the mall. You bought a CinnaBon at the food court, and are now hoping to eat it in the absolute least visible spot you can find. You have searched for and found the perfect place. A place where you hopefully will not be seen as you gorge yourself on cinnamon-sugary-goodness, but still be able to do a whole lot of seeing. From opposite sides of your field of vision, two couples walk slowly towards each other. They are close in age, perhaps two sets of married couples from similar socio-economic circles. To you, the casual observer, there is nothing that would keep them from being friends, and for all you know, they probably already are. Little do you know, but the game is about to be played. As they approach, the two guys glance very very quickly at each other, they nod their heads in mutual acknowledgment of each others basic maleness, and perhaps they silently mouth a 'Sup?' in the others direction. With the women, the story started much earlier. From across the crowded mall, they have been studying each other. They each know the brand name and price of each piece of clothing the other wears. They watch the way the other walks. They notice earrings. They make mental note of shoe choices. At a mutually acceptable distance that is only known by these tribal members, Woman #1 will attempt to make eye contact. When Woman #2 allows her eyes to connect with Woman #1, Woman #1 smiles. At this point, there is very little margin for error. If Woman #2 does not return that valuable smile with something that appears to be genuine within their genetic hard-coded time limit, the smile on Woman #1's face will quickly turn to scorn. As they pass each other, their eyes will not meet again. Seconds after this encounter, but after the two have passed, Woman #1 will ask her husband, voice dripping with derision, “Did you see what she was wearing?” His monosyllabic reply is only, “Kim?” “What??!!”, she says. “You know her?”. He answers, “Sweetie, that was Mark and Kim.” And with the artful dodge that only a true woman can manage, she replies, “It was? Oh my gosh, didn't she look fantastic?”

With women, so much of their relationship is face to face. “How does that make you feel?” “You deserve better than him!” “Have you lost weight? Your face looks thinner!” They process emotional information not based upon what happens, not based upon what they should do about what happened, but primarily upon how what happened made them (or one of their friends) feel.

In yesterday's story of the Garden of Eden, we heard God explaining the consequences of Adam and Eve's choices. Let's listen in as He deals with Eve.

Genesis 3:16

To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children, Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Yesterday, when we looked through Adam's consequences, we saw phrases like... painful toil, thorns and thistles, and the sweat of your brow. What do we hear in Eve's? Pain, childbearing, with pain you will give birth, desire will be for your husband, he will rule over you. People, this is not fun stuff. It speaks of emotional heartbreak, and pain.

See, here's the deal. Man was created to provide. Woman was provided to create. (Please, I'm not trying to say anything bad about women, I'm trying to compliment you here.) Adam's sentence is to work in the field, often fruitlessly in order to provide. But Eve brings to him the possibility of creation. Children, born in pain. And also relationship. “Your desire will be for your husband.” And that is also born in pain for, “he will rule over you.”

The picture from yesterday was of Adam looking over his field, at what he needs to do. Today's is of Eve. She is looking at Adam's profile. He is lost in his thoughts of what he needs to do. She, however, is the only one speaking... seeking him... waiting for his attention... “How does this make you feel?" "Why aren't you talking to me?" "Why won't you look at me?”

Women relate to women face to face. Not “What happened?”, but rather, “How are you?” Not “What are you going to do?”, but rather, “Are you okay?”

How do we apply this in the real world? Do you want to risk attempting again to connect with your Mom? This time, instead of trying to get her to hear what you have to say, stand face to face, look her in the eyes, and ask “How are you?” Hardest of all, don't expect her to ask the same of you. Give this moment to her, with your full attention. Most difficult... with an open and giving heart, expect nothing in return.

Tomorrow, ladies I will give you the secret information on what your guy is thinking as you are talking with him as we discuss “Turning your face. How woman can learn to better understand men.”

...Christopher Levi

Photo provided by stacydebord@yahoo.com

Shoulder to Shoulder. How men relate with other men...

Yesterday, we started talking about how relationships work, and what kind of examples and advice Scripture gives us to help us learn what to do, and what to definitely not do.

Are you a guy, and you watch other guys talking, but feel like you're on the outside? Are you a girl, and the “conversations” that you hear between guys seems a little sub-neanderthal, and for the life of you, you can't figure out why your man would rather sit with his friends saying next to nothing... than to spend the evening talking with you? If so, today may be your lucky day.

We'll pick up with how men relate with other men. We're dealing with this first, not because men are stronger, or braver, or better than women. But rather, because we're... dumber? Simpler? Less Complex? Whatever... relationships between men (at least early-stage and more shallow relationships) are just easier for guys.

Let's look at an example...

Suppose you drive to your local park. If you live in a well populated area, and it is summertime, and if you are in a park that people actually go to... you will find basketball courts. On those basketball courts, you will probably see guys. They may be playing one-on-one. They may be playing “33.” They may be running full-court. But they'll be sweating, and laughing, and yelling, and bumping... and quite possibly, there will be guys playing on the court that know no one else out there. A couple of guys here may know this other guy. And that guy may be a playground legend, but the other guy in the corner, well no one has ever seen him before. Here's the point. Guys don't have to know each other to be able to do stuff together. There is the unspoken language. The “head nod.” The “Wassup?” It's universal and hard wired into most of us.

So, let's change the situation now...

Imagine you are in that same park, the basketball courts are there. What are the chances of ten women getting together to play a game of “pick-up”? Nope. Not gonna happen. If they tried, they'd be pulling each others hair out inside three plays. Kicking, scratching, biting. Women are beautiful, but they sure can be ugly to each other. (Women, you'll get yours tomorrow)

Why is it easier like that for guys? Because men relate to each other “Shoulder to Shoulder.” You'll see...

Scripture uncovers a lot about relationships in the Garden of Eden. We'll go through different parts of that story each day as we break down this subject. But for now...

Old Adam has screwed up. Big time. He ate the apple, he blamed it on Eve. And now God is handing out the consequences.

Genesis 3:17-19

To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken, for dust you are and to dust you will return.”

Now, first of all, in general, guys... listen to your wives. They are just smarter than we are. But, let's look at our keywords here and see if we can find a theme... painful toil, thorns and thistles, the sweat of your brow, and dust. Now, God's explaining the consequences, and he basically says, “Adam, this means you're gonna have to work. Hard. And it's not gonna be really productive. And, if you want to eat, you're gonna have to work like that 'til you die.”

So, the way that works for us is this. Adam screwed up for all of us. Because he screwed up, all us guys are screwed up. We've gotta work. We have to be do'ers. It's part of our nature now. The picture that this draws, is of a man looking out at his field. Unsatisfied with it's condition, but realizing that if he wants anything at all in this life, he has got to focus and go do something. Plow that field. Write that brief. Deliver those packages. Rescue that damsel in distress. Whatever it is, as guys, our solution is almost always to go and DO something.

Men stand shoulder to shoulder, not looking at each other, but looking out at what they need to do, or what they hope to accomplish, or what they wish was different, and that is how they relate. It is also our way of easing into actually being able to speak to each other. “So, how about them Browns?” “Do you think LeBron will be in Cleveland next year?” “Sure is a lot of snow, lemme help you shovel that.” “Wanna go bow-hunting next month?”

How do we apply this in our lives? If you want to find a way to start to relate with the father you didn't really get along with growing up, go find something he likes to do, and do it with him. Take your father, stand shoulder to shoulder, and tinker in the garage. Go to the car auction. Help him water his garden. Don't worry about striking up that conversation you've been imagining in your head forever. With guys, most times it's enough to just go and do.

Tomorrow ladies, it's your turn, as we discuss “Face to Face. How women relate to women.”
 
...Christopher Levi
 
Special thanks to Moses Rosen, professional photographer to be...

Getting along with people... What advice or examples do we find in Scripture?

Aren't all of your relationships perfect? Did you think that making a decision to follow Christ would be all puppy dogs, butterflies, and unicorns? Do you find that you still have to deal with people's attitudes, and worst of all... your own?

“I'd like this job, if it wasn't for all the people!”...Anonymous Senior Pastor of a large church.

Even the “professional” Christians have to work at it, have to bite their tongue, and have to apologize for saying the wrong things. We all do. It's part of the experience of riding on this dirt ball we call Earth.

So, how do we get along with other people? And, can we find any advice or examples in Scripture that can help us travel the bumpy emotional highway to more successful relationships? The type of relationship doesn't change the way we get along with people, only the importance and urgency that we understand and learn how to get along with people.

If you've been married for 73 years, your marriage needs you to understand this. If you are a Business Woman, your career needs you to understand this. If you are a teenager, you desperately need to understand this. If you don't see yourself in any of this, hang on, because our last subject is just for you.

Over the next several days, we will take a look at different types of relationships, uncover some hidden landmines that could disrupt our lives, find valuable lessons we can apply from the wisdom of Scripture, and talk about the smart and stupid things the people in Scripture did in their own relationships.

We will look at:

• How men relate with other men. Shoulder to Shoulder
• How women relate with other women. Face to Face
• How women can learn to understand men. Turning away.
• How men can learn to relate to women. Turning towards.
• What to do when these patterns just don't fit you or the person you want to understand. Making it up on the fly.

So, check back. Each day we will open up a new topic, and see if we can learn this dance, even if you feel like you were born with two emotional left feet.

...Christopher Levi

picture provided by stacydebord@yahoo.com

"She shoulda said, 'Watch out! I'm a vegetarian!"

Have you gotten to watch The Blind Side yet?

I did this past weekend with all my girls at the In-Law's house.

Have you ever been completely blown away by the unexpected things you see in a loved one or family member? As the movie started, I was so focused on the issues going on in Sandra Bullock's life, that I just felt TERRIBLE for her. Even if you are like a hundred and sixty years old and used to rob banks in the Wild West, you don't get special permission to be an anal sphincter.

But, in credit to Sandra's exceptional acting ability, I very quickly lost myself in the real life story of Michael Oher, and his exceptional adoptive family. Quite a story...

But, I've got to tell you, my Macy is a HOOT!  I'll explain.

If you haven't seen the movie yet, please do.  If you have seen it, do you remember the scene where the tutor, played by Kathy Bates is interviewing for the job tutoring Michael. She ends the scene by telling Sandra Bullock's character that she's going to reveal something that she's never told anyone before.  She says something like, "I just wanted you to know, I'm a Democrat."

My 7-year old, Macy, belly-laughing, busts out with, "She shoulda said, 'Watch Out! I'm a vegetarian!'"

What?

Where did that come from?

So good to be surprised by a family member in such a good and funny way.

So sorry, Sandra... your surprise wasn't fun at all.

(If you wanna support her as she watches her cheating husband's kids while he's in rehab, i thought i'd include these.)

...Christopher Levi

Mike Yaconelli posthumously wrecked my life in every good way imaginable

Rhythms of Regret

Have you ever been surprised by a really great accent? Sometimes it doesn't even matter what they're saying, enthralled by the dance of their dialect, you're fascinated.

Other times... you really are trying... but you have to ask them to repeat... and then repeat again. Awkward faced, you kinda smile and pretend like you understand, but the truth is... you have no flipping idea what it is that they just said. But, you loved it.

Connection is such a powerful and dangerous thing. At it's best, it helps us transcend. Become more than we are. At it's worse, it is capable of wounding us so deeply that it's poisonous talons tear at a soul, never to be healed again.

Sometimes the accent that catches our ears leaves us charmed. Sorrowfully, other times, it is the haunting voice of the past that reminds us too well of all the things that we do not want to ever become. If your situation now is way different than the one in which you grew up, have you ever gone home again? Even accidentally? Some parts are beautiful, and beyond expression. But, somethings are maybe best left in the past.

Perhaps you're not proud of your past. The things you used to do. The person you used to be. The way you used to think. You step back into what was once familiar, and find it is you that has become the stranger. Suddenly, the smallest things become beacons of regret. The tone of a voice reveals to you their deep-set and brewing prejudice. A posture or position reflects their unconscious hatred and fear. And you are reminded, overwhelmingly, why you chose to leave. Their life continues as it has. But, yours has forever changed.

Why is it that the enjoyment of this moment is only theirs? Why is it that things commonplace and forgettable to them, grieve your soul?

I don't want to be bitter.

I don't want to recoil in horror at what was intended trivially. I want to heal.

I want to find beauty in the ashes of my regret. I want to be able to love them. To find hope and joy where now only loss and sorrow dwell.

It is I that have changed. But I cannot go back. For I have changed.

What do i do now?

...Christopher Levi